Monthly Archives: September 2009

Water in the moon, what next ?

Well, water has been found on the moon, thanks to Chandrayaan and the M3 equipment from NASA. As usual, the moot question follows : Can we take that for ourselves ? When we are not able to share water between two states within a sovereign nation and therefore resort to bus-burning, statue erecting and other gimmicks to keep ourselves busy to “find” solutions to water problems, how are we going to utilize water in the moon ?

When we may not be able to take the water from moon to earth in the near future, it would be a wise idea to demarcate our “territories” in the lunar surface on a priority basis so that there is no LOC / LAC kind of altercation at a later point in time when different nations vie with earch other for terrirories in the moon.

Probably Pakistan ( with the help of China, obviously ) would want to create a ‘moonistan’ in the lunar landscape citing reasons of the relation between the different phases of the moon and the advent of ‘ramzan’ and also citing the presence of the moon in its national flag. There could be supporters too for this, in India, in keeping in line with our ‘secular’ tradition of accepting anything ‘pro-minority’ as holy and thus sacrosanct.

Next in line would be the exploration in the moon for the presence of oil so that the arabic nations can claim that since oil has been gifted to them by the Almighty in earth, the same principle would need to be adopted in the moon and thus all oil wells would need to belong to them. Probably a verse or two from some holy book could be cited as ‘evidence’ as well.

What can you expect the UPA govt to do next ? Start a new scheme ‘Rajiv Gandhi Lunar Yojana” and hand that over to some lunatics from the HRD ministry and the History Re-writing Committee and ask them to compose verses in praise of Rajiv / Indira / Rahul / Priyanka and find out some hidden meanings into their erstwhile statements and the moon and thus proclaim to the world that those ‘prodigies’ had indeed predicted the presence of water in the moon. There are very many ways to indulge in hypocrisy and one such would be what is stated above.

When the Congress behaves thus, can Mayawati be left behind ? There would be another “Ambedkar Park ” establishment project in the moon so that the ‘dalits’ would be emancipated on earth. Forget whether they have water to drink on earth. What is more important is the grant statuization initiative in the moon . If the courts scoff at that, then proclaim to the world that the courts are anti-dalits and go to elections.

While these parties become busy exploiting the moon, then shall come the ‘party with a difference’ that has currently become ‘the party without reverence’. It would be correct to say that this party can be called ‘ the differentially enabled party’ as well. Yes, it is the BJP that is spoken about here, if you remember that such a party existed on the face of India once upon a time when Atalji reigned. Coming back to the moon – the BJP’s next election manifesto ( if the party remains intact till then ) would proclaim that since the moon existed in the mythology of India and as Chandrayaan has found out water in the moon, there needs to be a separate temple for ‘Chandran’ in Chandrapur in Maharashtra with “Chandrayaan” as a ‘vahanam’ installed in front of the presiding deity. Needless to say that a section of ‘secular’ parties, with support from similarly inclined media, would come up with a theory as rancid as the ‘Aryan Invasion Theory’ that in the proposed site for building the temple, there once existed a mosque / church / Jain Vihaar ( depending upon the vote bank that they seek to entice ) and would start an agitation on the lines of ‘Chandrapur Masjid Action Committee’ or as the case may be.

In the sidelines would be the ‘Left’ who have recently been left out of the political mainstream ( read blackmailing position ) in the elections. The Karat family, having been left out of media space for quite some time as also the Yechury warrior along with the T.Pandian-D.Raja comedy duo, would want to stage demonstrations wherever they find space. But you should not ask as to what they are demonstrating for or against as you could be termed anti-burgeoise anti-prelitariate if you do so.

While all these happen at the national scene, the Dravidian Rationalists from the Rationalist Republic of Tamil Nadu would have comeup with a novel plan. They would have spoken to both the Congress and the BJP and promised support for either of their schemes on the following conditions :

1. In the proposed temple, Annadurai and EVR should be the ‘Dwarapalakas’
2. Kanimozhi would need to be personified as Andaal
3. Stalin and Azhagiri would need to be engraved as Hanumaan and Garuda
4. Dhayanidhi would need to be the archaka ( priest )
5. T.R. Baalu would need to get the contract to build the temple
6. ‘Murasoli’ would need to be the official mouthpiece of the project
7. ‘Chandrayaan Award’ would need to be conferred on Kalaignar Karunanidhi

And Jayalalitha would continue to confabulate with Sasikala in the pristine environs of Kodanadu in the Nilgris as if there is nothing worthwhile happening in the country. You should believe that she is resting after the elections in the state.

And thus the Indian Political Tamasha would continue.

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Posted by on September 25, 2009 in English Posts, Writers


Cattle, Insect and other classes and the eternal food chain

Let me declare this at the outset. I belong to the cattle class not only during travel by any mode but even by birth, treatment by the authorities, amenities provided by the institutions and what not.

My realization that I belong to the ‘cattle class’ not only means that I understand what cattle class is all about but also that I have increasingly begun to realize that I belong to another more prevalent class, the Insect Class as well.

Henceforth let me call this Cattle Class as CC and Insect Class as IC.

How many times have I been herded like cattle in the suburban trains ? Let me not talk about the way I am treated during elections – either have I been treated as belonging to the euphemistic ‘minority cattle class’ and herded as cattle with visual largesse being showered on me or have I been treated as belonging to the ‘majority cattle class’ and treated as untouchable. Even inside this “MCC” classification, I have been subdivided further into “FCC” ( Forward CC) or “BCC” ( Backward CC ). If I am an FCC, I am an untouchable and hence would need to be despised, looked upon with hatred as though the entire world’s problems emanated from me. If I am a BCC, then I am the one group that needs to be showered all the attention until the elections get over. In the latter case, I have had the feeling of being made ready for the sacrifice at the altar of Indian elections.

And what are the other CCs that wander in this grand nation ?

First comes the Chameleon Class (Ch-C). Yes, you guessed it right. This is the Ch-C that takes part in elections, seeks to ‘serve’ the people and after the elections, actually ‘severe’ the people of their basic needs. This class never differentiates any other class as long as the other class provides it with regular ‘income’. This group takes care of its own siblings, fights for their share of the ‘prey’ even if it means to travel by airplane in a wheel chair right from a hospital and come back to the same hospital in the same wheel chair after the ‘prey-sharing’ is completed. This group talks about democracy every time so much so that the other common classes have begun to forget what ‘democracy’ really meant.

Then comes the ‘Rowdy Class’RC in short. Let the real ‘rowdies’ of the world forgive the author for he means no verbal harm to them. The RC comes next to the Chameleon Class. It works for the Ch-C — to serve the Ch-C’s interests as well as its own interests. In case of any clash of ideas, the Ch-C would move ( read : transfer) the RC to un-watered-locations ( “Thanni Illa Kaadu”- for the un-initiated ). Hence the RC ensures that it stays in the Right Side of the Ch-C even if it means to break all rules with impunity. By now you should have understood what RC means – the educated Ch-Cs. Yes the Ch-Cs are not educated and the RCs are educated and the latter works for the former. The RCs are, in common parlance, known as ‘bureaucrats’.

Then comes the Insect Class. This IC gets beaten up every time there is some incident that happens in the nation / state / town / village / street. This IC comprises of all those beings which work for their daily living. This IC can be identified by a group of people that run from pillar to post just to accomplish a single task be it getting a Ration Card or getting its Election Commission Card or for that matter anything that needs to be done with the RC. This class pays its income taxes on time, tries to follow traffic rules to the extent possible, wants to get its children educated in a decent school and get a better livelihood. Its ultimate target is to get hold of a piece of land in the distant outskirts of the city and build a house ( a 2 or 3 room tenement ) where it could spend its final years in relative peace. But to accomplish that it has to be subjected to all kinds of assaults by the RCs and hence by the Ch-Cs all through its prime lifetime from 01 to 58 years of age.

Then comes the PC, the Parasite Class. Yes, you guessed it right – the one species that wears a white overcoat and a stethoscope and hides its RC attributes. The PC normally is headed by a Head PC in the roles of a Dean. The H-PC normally has a medical background and by its association with the RCs and Ch-Cs, gets hold of large tracts of land in prime areas in the guise of ‘service to humanity’ – euphemism for ‘blood sucking’. Then it goes ahead and establishes many institutions where juvenile PCs are trained to become master PCs. The credibility of the PC is represented in the ostentation of the PC institution. The more the front office opulence, the better the PC’s blood sucking capabilities. Any juvenile PC that has the ability to satiate the H-PCs thirst for money shall be granted admission in the PC training institutes. So, the moot question is : How does a juvenile PC become a declared PC ? – when the J-PC develops the capability to extract large amounts of flesh from skeletons, then you know that the master PC has arrived on the scene.

Note : PC can also be called as ‘VC‘- Vampire Class. Both are conjoined twins just separated at birth. If this reminds of Vice-Chancellors, then I am not to be blamed. Probably they are Chancellors who are embodiments of the different vices.

The ICs exist so that the RCs and PCs exist and flourish. The RCs and PCs exist so that the Ch-Cs exist and flourish.

And this eternal food chain continues !


Posted by on September 23, 2009 in English Posts, Writers


"Austerity" and the grand revelation

The more the discussion in the initialization part of anyproject, greater are the chances of the project getting scrapped altogether. Likewise, the more the focus and brouhaha on ‘austerity’, the lesser are the chances of the same getting implemented. Otherwise, there would be a grand emergence of the ‘cattle class’ in all modes of transport ( let the cattle forgive me for equating them to humans ).

While we would want to call the recent expenditure pertaining to the aerial tourism of Rahul Gandhi amounting to Rs One Crore an ‘austerity measure’, we would also need to call the ‘statueization initattive’ of Mayawati as an extreme measure in austerity. But you cannot discount the enormous ‘job opportunities’ that this Mayawati escapede has resulted in; probably more than even the NREGA initiatives of the Ulta Pulta Alliance govt.

It is a matter of great mirth that this’ austerity’ is being touted as a virtue as if that need not have been followed so far by anybody and that the Congress peole have invented the same as a remedy for the economic downturn. ‘Austerity’ has always been the halmark of Indian ethos and civilizational values. Never has flamboyance and extravaganza been applauded in the Indian scenario right from earlier days of Chanakya to the days of Mahatma Gandhi. Erstwhile leaders like Kamaraj and Kakkan had used public transport even wneh they held office as the Chief Executives of the state of TN. In fact, when Kamaraj died, his entire bank balance amounted to Rs 32 ( Rupees Thirty Two only ). I don’t want to guess what would be the financial worth of the current chief minister and his other ministers as that would be beyond my capacity as I wouldn’t know how many ‘zeros’ to add after 32.

The timing of this ‘austerity’ is really suspicious. Let us look at some of the incidents that took place simultaneously when this ‘austerity’ dawned on the high and the mighty of this land.

  • Rahul Gandhi paid an ‘economical’ visit to TN by spending just Rs One Crore.
  • P.Chidambaram returned from the US after a ‘damp-squib’ trip – after complaining “Mummy Mummy, Pakistan is pinching me daily”
  • China made few incursions into Arunachal, Ladakh and elsewhere after these soldiers painted some rocks in the Indian side ‘red’ and engraved ‘Yellow River’ ( a reference to China ) in Cantonese.
  • Krishna and Sashi Tharoor stayed in a 5 star hotel
  • Karananidhi was ‘wheel-chair ridden’, as usual, attending various valedictory functions and receiving awards in the name of Anna Durai, EVR and Ambedkar.
  • Stalin paid a vist to London for ‘routine’ medical check-up
  • Prices of essential commodities continued their upward spiral more in line with the trajectory of the PSLV rockets of recent times
  • Elections in Maharashtra were scheduled and farmer suicides continued without any respite.
  • Monsoon failed and therefore drought conditions prevailed all over.
  • Pakistan affirmed for the nth time that India had not provided ‘evidence’ of 26/11 attacks.
  • Azhagiri contined to hide from questions in the Parliament.
  • Jayalalitha tried to recover from election work related fatigue by continuing to stay in the palatial guest house in the Nilgris ( elections have been over for for than 4 months)
  • Full page advertisements that proclaimed the supposed ‘achievements’ of the current government continued in news papers. Full page ads cost a bomb, anyways. But the government is practising ‘austerity’ – you should believe this .

    Unable to draw any conclusion from the above, I tried to look the other way and landed up on the volumes of ‘literature’ available in the news papers about the contours and otherwise of the female actors from Bollywood and Kollywood.

    Then it dawned on me – austerity is being practised by B’wood and K’wood in terms of the dress and attire of female actors. Hence I have come to the conclusion that the film industry is the only one that sincerely follows what M.K.Gandhi preached and practised – austerity !

    What a heavenly revelation !!

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Posted by on September 21, 2009 in English Posts, Writers

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