Tamil Films, NASA, et al

The insatiable ability of the tamil people to bear with such nonsense is to be admired at sincerely. Yes, I am talking about the TV programmes in Tamil that too of the SUN kind.

For the n-th possible time the network broadacasts the arrival of a new tamil film that has everything in it that can qualify the movie for a porn-certificate if only it does not have the gravity defying stunt sequences and gory blood-soaked scenes.

How does one stand this kind of non-stop-nonsense ? One the one hand you have the very slim and un-shaven hero putting to question all known laws of physics by his stunt scenes while on the other hand we have the heroine who appears time and again in so less costumes that one begins to take pity at her inability to cover the bare essential surface areas of her body. Added to that are the dance sequences ( you need to believe that those are dances ) that are nothing but aerobic exercises in fast-forward fashion of the most skimpily clad girls on the screen.

There is also this very essential duty of the heroine to reassure the viewers that her body anatomy is in order and that her cholesterol levels are slightly bordering on the higher side. This she does by appearing in the most skimpily designed costumes ( if you can call them costumes ) that don’t have any semblance of any culture ( leave alone tamil culture ). Probably the heroine reminds the viewers that the tamil populace have a very distant origin — trying to prove Darwin’s Theory that man evolved from apes. Probably that is why she apes the apes. The point to be noted is that the mother of the heroine ( a widow 99% of the time ) would be so poor that she wouldn’t have the means to buy a replacement saree. She would appear in the same saree all through the film. Additionally there is this handicapped-yet-brilliant brother of the heroine. ( No marks for guessing that the handicap would have been caused by the villain either by way of an ‘accident’ or by way of making the heroine’s mother drink some liquid that could cause deformity of the foetus).

Then you have the ubiquitous comedian. The person or persons who would need to have his private parts hurt everytime he appears on the scene – that is how you need to define a comedian. Going by the number of times the comedian Vadivelu has been thrashed below the belt, one can safely assume that he would not need to wear any safety guard attire if he would choose to play cricket anytime in the future.

Then come the ubiquitous villain – most likely a local politician who is surrounded by a bunch of goons sporting attire of every concievable nature. And the only intention of the politician would be to get rid of this gravity-defying hero.

NASA would do well to initiate technology transfer from Tamil filmdom unto themselves in the lines of how to make a human being stay afloat in air for a prolonged period of time and at the same time perform acrobatics. The other area of tech transfer could pertain to the ability of the hero to dodge any number of bullets fired from a machine gun. This could be useful in helping astronauts escape from the occassional meteorite while in space.