Dictionary of Stupidity

Have you ever thought about being stupid or being an idiot ? Never mind if you have not. I have profound experience in that pursuit.

In my relentless pursuit of knowledge to discover the difference between ‘being a stupid’ and ‘being an idiot’, I have come across many more such states in which one might find oneself – between being stupid and an idiot.

Let me explain. I know that I don’t understand satellite technology. Just in case anybody asks me to explain the nuances of the technology that goes in into a satellite, I fumble, flounder, prevaricate, stutter, groan, mutter and generally behave like Rahul on TV. it goes something like this :

Q : ‘Explain satellite technology?’

Me: Technology used in a satellite is satellite technology.

Q: Explain what technologies are used in a satellite

Me: Any technology that is supposed to be used in a satellite is the technology that is used in a satellite.

Q : Well, can you explain any one technology in a satellite ?

Me: Actually, the power to question and know the answer is a trait that manifests itself in the form of a technology that is used in a satellite. And that is …

If the interview proceeds in the aforementioned fashion then I am an idiot.

Suppose I repeat this exercise, again and again, in front of different audiences and appear to show that I am indeed answering the questions and that the answers are relevant, then I am stupid.

In short, the insistence on consistently exhibiting ones’ idiocy and pretending that one is on the right every time results in one being declared stupid.

Note : The explanations provided are trademarked and copyrighted ( copy wronged ?). Any resemblances to any incidents in the past or future or to any Television interview programs, in the past or future, with or without involving Arnob Goswami, are and would be coincidental.

The Art of using RTI

You are waiting for your morning coffee or are about to brush your teeth or are about to open the computer. You could be doing any one of these or all these simultaneously. And if you feel your hands quivering or teeth rattling or sweat brimming on your forehead, then you are probably working in Singapore in a bank and are awaiting your appraisal.

Now, is there a way out ? How do you de-stress yourselves ?

Here is how. Read this conversation between the school teacher and the school boy. ( Teacher : T.  Boy : B )

T: What is your name ?

B: Actually when I was a toddler my grand mother used to send me lunch box.

T: I asked your name.

B: Yes, that is what I am driving at. My grand mother used to say that …

T: Did you hear what I had said ?

B: See, what is ‘hear’ ? One that you feel is what  is needed. My granny used to…

T: Okay. Leave it. How old are you ?

B: Statistically speaking, there is nothing called a number. It is just a notation of something that we don’t know yet.

T: Is there a problem with your ear ? Do you hear me ?

B: Here and there are nothing. What is here and there ? Two places ? See, my grand mother..

T: Boy, I need a straight answer. Tell me your age.

B: See, ageing is a phenomenon that can be overcome with empowerment of the women.

T: Okay, got it. Now, who is Obama ?

B: Mama is the male brother of my female mother. And ‘O’ is the exclamation. Actually when you empower..

T: Mama ? Okay. How do you write your name ?

B: Actually writing is empowerment. And for empowerment you need RTI. And for RTI…

T: I am asking you, how do you write your name ?

B: Precisely the point. Empowerment makes you write. And that is what I have been saying, empower them.

T: Are you answering me or answering some invisible person here ? Answer to the point.

B: What is an answer ? It is the reply to a question. And what is the question ? It is how to empower women. And through RTI..

T: To hell with your ear drum. Answer me.

B: I am answerable to the people. People mean energy. Energy is derived from fossil fuels and that cause green revolution..

T: Stupid, that causes global warming. Answer me.

B: Precisely. How do you know about global warming ? Through empowerment. How to get empowerment ? Through RTI.

T: Okay, I give it to you. What is RTI ?

B: What is RTI ? How can there be a question on RTI ? RTI is empowerment. And for empowerment you need RTI.

T : Very good. But what is RTI ?

B: That is precisely my point. What is RTI ? RTI is empowerment. Without RTI there is no empowerment and vice versa.

T: Vice versa ? Could you explain ?

B : Explain ? Correct. We will explain to the people of the country. People understand. That is what RTI is all about.

T: Okay I perfectly understand. Now let us come to 1984.

B: Exactly. That is what it is all about. 1984 is the year that came after 1983. And before 1985. And knowing this is empowerment.

T: I perfectly understand this logic. Let me ask you a question, a straight question.

B: Ask me a question ? Asking question is RTI. And that is the essence of empowerment.

T: Okay Boy. I just need to know one thing. I need to know answers from you. You don’t seem to understand. What should I do ?

B: Precisely. That is what RTI is for. That will give you empowerment.

T: But I want answers.

B: Yes, for answers you need to ask questions. Only questions will get you answers.

T: That is what I am going. Asking you questions. You don’t seem to answer.

B:Precisely. That is why there is RTI. You use RTI to get …

T: I give up. But one last question. I just forgot who I am after talking to you. What should I do now ?

B: Precisely. File an RTI and you will …

T: I will be empowered, right ? But who am I ?

B: That is why you need an RTI.

Note : Last heard that the Teacher jumped from the 8th floor to escape from the boy and of course the RTI.

P.S: The characters and the above sequence are imaginary and don’t represent Arnob Goswami and Rahul Gandhi. Any similarities are coincidental.