Stupidity, in small doses

During the election campaign, I was patiently gathering some sound bites from the many worthies that we have. And here is what I had gathered. What I got to see was a pattern. It was the completely-out-of-touch-with-reality’ attribute of all these worthies.

While Omar Abdullah’s wisdom amazed me, the combined wisdom of Mayawati and Mamata floored me. I didn’t want to die out of laughter and hence did not include the wisdom of many worthies from Tamil Nadu. And consciously I have avoided the sparkles of wisdom of the ‘stupid in white’ – Rahul – for I would have to write several posts just to cover his erudition.

I have avoided Sonia’s wisdom for that would need a separate dossier.

I did not consider the Communists worthy of any mention as it is not right to talk about ideologies that are long dead and gone. In India, people who are dead are not made fun of.

Read the gems from Manmohan and Oommen Chandy too. They exposed their wisdom no only when in power but also just prior to the counting date.

Hope you enjoy these ‘gems’ and know who all to avoid in the future too.

Mayawati :

“I want to make it clear that BSP will not extend any kind of support to Modi or NDA to form the government at any cost”.

Mamta Banerjee : “if he says BJP’s doors are open for a Modi-led government, then I will use the same analogy to say that our doors are shut and the keys have been thrown away.”

K S Elangovan ( DMK) :
“We have minorities on our side and Modi has the stigma of 2002 riots. Hence, we cannot support NDA keeping in view our interest in our state”

Mulayam Singh:
“There is no Modi wave and we Won’t support modi even if bjp gained post elections”.

Prakash Karat :
“There’s no Modi wave, it’s an anti-Congress wave”

Puri Shankaracharya :
“A ‘naami gunhegaar’ (noted criminal) is contesting from Varanasi and I will be there to expose him”.

P.Chidambaram :
“There is no Modi wave in the country. New young voters have registered to the electoral list thereby increasing the voting percentage”.

Kapil Sibal :
“The fact is that there is no Modi wave, perhaps some Modi slaves in the country”.

Manmohan Singh :
“I don’t think there is any Modi wave. It is the creation of the media. The country has not been swept by any Modi wave. I don’t think Congress is losing ground. Wait for the results on May 16. We will win a majority”.

Shashi Tharoor :
“The message I gather from this is that Congress is back in Chennai.If there is a Modi wave, would he need all these people to surround him?”

Lalu Prasad Yadav :
“Will change my name if I am not able to drive out Modi from Bihar”.

Deve Gowda :
“BJP will not get majority. Narendra Modi is dreaming on becoming prime minister. If this happens, I shall leave Karnataka state and settle somewhere else”

Farook Abdulla :
“Those who vote for Modi should drown in the sea”

Mani Shankar Aiyer :
“I promise you in 21st Century Narendra Modi will never become the Prime Minister of the country. …But if he wants to distribute tea here, we will find a place for him”

Sharad Pawar :
“One thing I am sure about, now more than ever, is that it will not be (Narendra) Modi’s government. If you do the calculations, you see that Modi cannot reach the number at which he can be the prime minister”.

Jairam Ramesh:

“There is no Modi wave, only Modi poison”.

Oommen Chandy :

“.I’m confident; we at the Congress party are expecting results more than the last elections….BJP wave is also not a correct thing, there is neither Modi wave nor BJP wave”.

Ahmed Patel :

“There is no Modi wave”.

“Modi wave is limited to only Gujarat”

“The question ( Modi becoming PM) does not arise”

Omar Abdullah :

Nov 2013 – “There is Modi effect but no Modi wave”.

April 2014 – “Only fools feel that there is no Modi wave”

May 2014 – “Modi wave is a hoax created by BJP”.

An idea for Modi

Well begun is half done they say. Well it began well, no doubt. But there is a glitch even as soon as it began.

Yes, the Smrithi Irani controversy. This is an issue that is not needed. Nothing against Smrithi though. She could be a Culture minister or a minister for Performing Arts, Tourism and the like. But not HRD please.

HRD needs the IITs, IIMs and the NITs to report to it. And the minister incharge
needs to atleast understand the needs of these institutions or atleast be able to differentiate one from the other.

‘Did not Kapil Sibal manage HRD?’, one might ask. And that is why he equated 1,7,000 crore to zero. That is precisely we want to avoid.

‘How about Sonia? What is her qualification?’, one might ask.

NDA govt is a government for the Indians. It is not the government for foreigners like the earlier one. Hence Sonia’s education does not matter. So don’t draw solace from that.

‘Did not Kamaraj manage?’, one might ask.

Not everyone is a Kamaraj. And in this knowledge economy, we need Kamaraj but with Arun Shourie’s education.

There is no ego to be taken care of. Hence, Mr. Modi, it is better to correct the mistake as soon as it has occurred.

So, as a citizen, let me give you one option for HRD.

Arun Shourie-  He has written just 20+ books. And he holds a Ph.D in Economics. But if you are considering him for Planning Commission, then the other option is N.Gopalaswami, the former CEC.

If this too doesn’t materialize, the only option is to call for an advertisement in the Newspapers eliciting candidates.

Seriously stupid and other tales

The art of bluffing doesn’t seem to end. And bluffers don’t seem to stop as well. You guessed it right. This time it is about India’s elites.

There is a certain class of people who have mastered and perfected the art of bluffing. No, don’t single out Rahul Gandhi alone. He might be an expert in that but he is not the only one. Yes, I agree that he has immense capacity to bluff than all people put together. However that does not stop us from exploring the other bluff masters.

Wait a minute. Are you asking me if I would not be talking about Rahul at all ? How is that even remotely possible? How come one ignore the .. what do they say? err.. most stupid ? Ok. So be it. Let us look at the different bluffs, the bluffers and the lot and then look at the greatest of them all.

This week Huffington Post estimated that the wealth of Sonia was around USD 2 bn. Holy Cow ! How dare ? In a country of 1.2 bn, even if each one’s contribution to her wealth is say $2, her wealth would be $2.4 bn. And how come Huffington post bluff about her worth being a meager $2 bn ?  I had guessed that right. As expected the Congress called that estimate ‘ridiculous’ and soon Huffington Post withdrew the article saying there had been an error in its reporting. $ 2bn asset for a person such as Sonia Ji ? Ridiculous. Underestimation cannot be forgiven.

Then there was this election in the state of Madhya Pradesh or Jharkhand – one of those states where the Congress wants to come to power at any cost. And therefore went to court and filed a case to hide the ponds and lakes in the state that had lotus flowers in them. Hide – you didn’t get it ? Cover, encapsulate, don’t make visible etc. And that was because ‘Lotus’ was the election symbol of the main opposition party – the BJP. If you thought it was stupidity, then please take a break. Just imagine what could have happened if the BJP had sought ‘the sky’ as its election symbol? Or for that matter if the southern Indian party AIADMK had contested ? Its election symbol is ‘Two Leaves’ and probably the entire state’s trees should have been ‘ covered ‘ using cloth sheets. Consider this stupid ?

Wait a minute. More to come. Consider this.

Then there was this undertaking that I had to give declaring that I would pay heed to all anti-bribery laws, not indulge in sharing private information, strive hard to protect personal information of my customers etc. And it is a yearly routine. Soon after I passed those tests attesting my allegiance to these laws, I heard the mighty Obama explaining to his people that the phone snooping task that the American intelligence agencies had indulged in was an act in national interest and that some safeguards would be put in place. The irony was that I had just then written the exams that had many clauses that threatened me to disclose to the authorities details of American citizens who were holding bank accounts but had not declared them to their revenue departments. What do I call this ? A cruel joke or an exercise in satire ?  Or simply call it seriously stupid ?

No. The most serious bluff and the bluffer are yet to come. Hold on until the elections get hotter in India.

RSS Charanam Gachchaami..

Prevarication, procrastination, intransigence, dilly-dalliance, pusillanimity, inaction, inadequate action, being directionless, playing caste, high handedness, stooping to any level to appease, actual appeasement, brazenness, hippocratic tendencies, blackmail, disrespect to the people – all these are the causes for the BJP’s rout in Karnataka.

Not that this was not expected. Everybody knew this was coming. But none in the BJP wanted to act on it.

The central leadership ( if that existed ) sought to play hide and seek with Yeddyurappa. The rot should have been nipped in the bud. But the leadership was afraid of the caste politics of the Lingayats and Vokkaligas.

Is there no hope for the BJP ? Yes there is.

Shun caste politics. Adopt Modi brand.  He never uses his caste ( he is from the backward caste though ). He speaks Governance and Results, growth and progress, economics and industry. But never caste and religion.

So, the way out for the BJP in Karnataka – hand over the party to the RSS. Populate the party with RSS pracharaks and swayamsevaks. Remove the money bags and looters who ever that might be. Well, the party might still lose the next elections without the money bags but the elections after next would be theirs as swayamsevaks never desert and abandon the cause.

But will the BJP listen ? Let them better listen. 2014 is hardly an year away.

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