Thank You, Dr.Singh

Dear Dr.Singh ,

Thank you very much. Have a safe and active retired life.

You might have noticed that I have chosen to address you as Dr.Singh and not as ‘Mr.Prime Minister’.

I didn’t want to cloud my mind with negativity and despair and hence start an outpouring of emotions. Hence I have avoided giving the burden of being a prime minister to you.

Sir, the post of the Prime Minister of India was an institution. Yes, it is a ‘was’. That is because it used to be an institution with such raw power and authority to make or break the lives of a billion people and more. And now the ‘institution’ has become a museum where one gets a glimpse of what it used to be like and derive nostalgic pleasure. Thank you for that.

Sir, when you became the Prime Minister, I was enthralled not because of your political party but because of the number of letters that succeeded your name – your qualifications. But you helped me in a way. You have proved that the number of characters behind one’s name does not signify the ‘character’ of the person. Thank God, my name has just two characters following it.

Sir, I know that you are preparing to leave and you have written to the world leaders about your imminent departure. Now that you have written to them, I come to know that you have been there for the last 10 years.

When I come to think of the last 10 years, some thoughts come to my mind. I cannot help but think of these past events and people.

  1. Natwar Singh. Your minister in your first term. He was supposed to have taken money from, of all persons, Saddam Hussein.
  2. Sashi Tharoor. The Minister for Twitter. I don’t know if he has done anything more than tweet. He probably was an employee of Twitter, out to promote the company in India.
  3. Shibu Soren. You were not able to reach out to him, when he went underground. And might I add that he was a minister in your cabinet ?
  4. Mamta Banerjee. No, I don’t want to speak about her. Silence is golden, in her case
  5. A.Raja. May be I should not have brought his name at all. Oh yes, he helped Saravana Bavan open a branch in Tihar.
  6. T.R.Baalu. Well, the minister for shipping and transport who shipped and transported wealth for himself and his boss.
  7. P.Chidambaram. Hope you know if he did something while in office other than speaking about Gujarat.
  8. Pranab Mukherjee. He used to be Finance Minister when he was not mollifying Karunanidhi in Chennai.
  9. Kapil Sibal. The person who got the nobel prize for inventing ‘zero’.
  10. Veerappa Moily. The employee of Reliance.
  11. Salman Kurshid. The person who wanted to be in China and said so in Beijing.
  12. Renuka Chaudhry. Not sure what she was other than than she had difficulty in closing her mouth.
  13. Anand Sharma. Not sure what he did other visiting Singapore a couple of times.
  14. Mani Shankar Aiyer – The citizen of Pakistan who found himself in your cabinet for a few months and later in parliament whose job was to out-shout the T.V. anchors in their studios.
  15. Dayanidhi Maaran – The Minister in charge of digging up Chennai roads to lay telephone cables who also incidentally owns  some meagre cable television companies and just one airline company.
  16. Sharad Pawar. The Minister for Agriculture who was developing Agriculture in Dubai, officiating BCCI cricket matches.
  17. Suresh Kalmadi. Not sure who he is. But any mention of ‘stadium’ brings up his image on Google.

Thank you for having demonstrated that one can remain silent even in the company of the above characters.

And I have some retirement ideas for you, Sir. You could write a book on any or all of the following :

  1. ‘Why Gujarat was never a part of India’
  2. Transcendental Meditation in Troubled Times’
  3. ‘Cabinet and the Art of Not Making noise’
  4. ‘The Art and Science of Silent Loot’
  5. ‘Subservience to a woman and its benefits’
  6. ‘Why Coalgate is not good for India’
  7. ‘The Intelligent Investors’ guide to Switzerland’
  8. ‘Hiding behind sarees’

Thanks you.

Yours Sincerely,

Right Off Center

Beginners’ guide to Stupidity

The Art of being Stupid, as has been exemplified beyond normal human endeavor by Rahul Gandhi,is still part science and part art. And that makes it all the more difficult to master.

So, I thought that it would be better to come up with a guide to let the normally stupid citizens also realize their stupidity and declare themselves so for we are fast becoming a nation of stupids.

You would agreed with me more once you reach the end of this post.

Do you belong to the group of people who believes that you can even today stick to your stand and still be allowed to lead an honorable life after retirement ? Well , then, welcome to the elite world of stupids for it seems that you have not heard of the story of Justice A.K.Ganguly. Well, for the uninitiated, Justice Ganguly was a lesser known judge of the Supreme Court until he began to handle the 2G case. And the manner with which he conducted the proceedings and the manner in which he delivered a stunning judgment never hear of in Indian judicial history, that cancelled all the 125 licenses awarded to the the telecom companies because of the arbitrary manner of spectrum allotment, irked the powers that be. And by powers, you can safely assume those whose surnames rhyme with ‘Sandhi’, ‘Cebal’, ‘Pambaram’ and the like and companies whose names rhyme with ‘Sodaphone’  and the like.

So what happened later ? After an illustrious and un-blemished career spanning 40 years, Justice Ganguly, after his retirement, suddenly found himself in the company of a female law intern when he was in office and suddenly tried some tricks on her in a hotel room. Did you know that he had the ability to travel back in time ?

And how about the law intern ? She also somehow had the ability to travel back in time and realize that the good old Justice had tried to you-know-what with her some years ago in a hotel room. How did she remember that now, all of a sudden, after his retirement and after the 2G case verdict has been delivered ? Well, please update yourself with ‘Time Travel’ written by ‘Sunil Cebal’. And that would initiate your journey towards stupidity just as the prince-in-waiting a.k.a. the Buddhu was initiated into Harvard for all of three months on a donation made by Win Chadha after which he was shown the door. What do you mean “Who is the Buddhu?”. Ask Wamiya Sandhi. Better read her book ‘From Italy to India – the clandestine journey’ available in all ‘Suttorrochchi Stores’ worldwide. You can order online as well via http://www.bankrupt-india.com.

Ok. you are not used to reading heavy stuff ? Well, then there is this easy way to attain supreme stupidity.

There is this book by ‘Pambaram’ titled ‘Dismantling India – 101’  where the highly erudite author explains in great detail the baby steps one needs to take to defraud banks, open more ATMs than there are people in Sivaganga district, the step by step guide to speaking about economics that is understandable to Participatory Notes Dealers alone etc. And don’t miss the chapter on the ‘Art of winning elections’ where he has explained in great detail about the steps to be followed to win an election even if your votes don’t add-up. That chapter alone would justify the cost of the book.

Before I forget, there is this excellent article by ‘Mani Shankar Iyengar’ on developing ones ability to shout the moment you appear on TV. He explains in detail about the steps to be followed to out-shout everybody including the TV anchor. The way he explains the steps to start shouting even before hearing the topic on which you need to shout, shows his professional expertise in shouting that he has developed and honed in the parliament. A must for everybody who is out there to learn to be stupid.

The guide to becoming stupid is never complete without the recommended reading of ‘The Chindu’, especially the sections that talk about China. Yes it is a fact that 90% of the paper is covered with pro-China articles but I have to caution you about not spending your time on the remaining 10%. And do read the ‘Open Page’. You will encounter some highly erudite articles on ‘Un-masking Modi’ ,’Modulating the Modi-mania’ and several such modified articles. Never mind if you miss these on some days. They would appear daily. Only the author would be different. You won’t miss anything.

Reading ‘The Chindu’ daily for about a month would equip you with skills needed for furthering your stupidity index.and would make you eligible to read the highly intellectual ‘Lakshman Chandra Guha’ series on Modi. And do also remember to pick up his ‘India after Sandhi’., the most eminently un-put-downable book ever to have been written in recent times.

Oh, yes before I forget, let me tell you about ‘The God of Minute Things’ by Jarundati Kai’. You will get to know about the rights of naxallites, why dams are harmful, why nuclear power in India will impact Mar’s orbit and similar such matter. You will also know about why the terrorists have more rights to live than the citizens just by going through the index page of the book. And once you complete this book, you automatically qualify the the primary membership of the Communist Party of China.

If all these fail, please try changing your surname to ‘Sandhi’ or ‘Cebal’.

if that too fails, join the Congress Party.

Beginners' guide to Stupidity

The Art of being Stupid, as has been exemplified beyond normal human endeavor by Rahul Gandhi,is still part science and part art. And that makes it all the more difficult to master.

So, I thought that it would be better to come up with a guide to let the normally stupid citizens also realize their stupidity and declare themselves so for we are fast becoming a nation of stupids.

You would agreed with me more once you reach the end of this post.

Do you belong to the group of people who believes that you can even today stick to your stand and still be allowed to lead an honorable life after retirement ? Well , then, welcome to the elite world of stupids for it seems that you have not heard of the story of Justice A.K.Ganguly. Well, for the uninitiated, Justice Ganguly was a lesser known judge of the Supreme Court until he began to handle the 2G case. And the manner with which he conducted the proceedings and the manner in which he delivered a stunning judgment never hear of in Indian judicial history, that cancelled all the 125 licenses awarded to the the telecom companies because of the arbitrary manner of spectrum allotment, irked the powers that be. And by powers, you can safely assume those whose surnames rhyme with ‘Sandhi’, ‘Cebal’, ‘Pambaram’ and the like and companies whose names rhyme with ‘Sodaphone’  and the like.

So what happened later ? After an illustrious and un-blemished career spanning 40 years, Justice Ganguly, after his retirement, suddenly found himself in the company of a female law intern when he was in office and suddenly tried some tricks on her in a hotel room. Did you know that he had the ability to travel back in time ?

And how about the law intern ? She also somehow had the ability to travel back in time and realize that the good old Justice had tried to you-know-what with her some years ago in a hotel room. How did she remember that now, all of a sudden, after his retirement and after the 2G case verdict has been delivered ? Well, please update yourself with ‘Time Travel’ written by ‘Sunil Cebal’. And that would initiate your journey towards stupidity just as the prince-in-waiting a.k.a. the Buddhu was initiated into Harvard for all of three months on a donation made by Win Chadha after which he was shown the door. What do you mean “Who is the Buddhu?”. Ask Wamiya Sandhi. Better read her book ‘From Italy to India – the clandestine journey’ available in all ‘Suttorrochchi Stores’ worldwide. You can order online as well via http://www.bankrupt-india.com.

Ok. you are not used to reading heavy stuff ? Well, then there is this easy way to attain supreme stupidity.

There is this book by ‘Pambaram’ titled ‘Dismantling India – 101’  where the highly erudite author explains in great detail the baby steps one needs to take to defraud banks, open more ATMs than there are people in Sivaganga district, the step by step guide to speaking about economics that is understandable to Participatory Notes Dealers alone etc. And don’t miss the chapter on the ‘Art of winning elections’ where he has explained in great detail about the steps to be followed to win an election even if your votes don’t add-up. That chapter alone would justify the cost of the book.

Before I forget, there is this excellent article by ‘Mani Shankar Iyengar’ on developing ones ability to shout the moment you appear on TV. He explains in detail about the steps to be followed to out-shout everybody including the TV anchor. The way he explains the steps to start shouting even before hearing the topic on which you need to shout, shows his professional expertise in shouting that he has developed and honed in the parliament. A must for everybody who is out there to learn to be stupid.

The guide to becoming stupid is never complete without the recommended reading of ‘The Chindu’, especially the sections that talk about China. Yes it is a fact that 90% of the paper is covered with pro-China articles but I have to caution you about not spending your time on the remaining 10%. And do read the ‘Open Page’. You will encounter some highly erudite articles on ‘Un-masking Modi’ ,’Modulating the Modi-mania’ and several such modified articles. Never mind if you miss these on some days. They would appear daily. Only the author would be different. You won’t miss anything.

Reading ‘The Chindu’ daily for about a month would equip you with skills needed for furthering your stupidity index.and would make you eligible to read the highly intellectual ‘Lakshman Chandra Guha’ series on Modi. And do also remember to pick up his ‘India after Sandhi’., the most eminently un-put-downable book ever to have been written in recent times.

Oh, yes before I forget, let me tell you about ‘The God of Minute Things’ by Jarundati Kai’. You will get to know about the rights of naxallites, why dams are harmful, why nuclear power in India will impact Mar’s orbit and similar such matter. You will also know about why the terrorists have more rights to live than the citizens just by going through the index page of the book. And once you complete this book, you automatically qualify the the primary membership of the Communist Party of China.

If all these fail, please try changing your surname to ‘Sandhi’ or ‘Cebal’.

if that too fails, join the Congress Party.