India Rising – a book review

Straits Times Journalist Ravi Velloor writes a tight & essential book on India as seen through the eyes of an outsider who knows more people inside than the rest of the insiders.

This book is a compendium of various facets of India, from a Singaporean perspective, by an author-journalist who was part of all the facets. The book is not only interesting but also riveting as the author, Ravi Velloor, has dealt in detail, each one of the above facets.Even though the book is detailed, it doesn’t test our patience, as the lucid presentation lures us into the book and the details that it contains.

The book covers the happenings in India between 1998 to 2015. More focus has been on the UPA-I and II periods and the roller-coaster ride that the country went through under the regime.

Ravi Velloor talks about the Comprehensive Economic Cooperation Agreement between India and Singapore, the behind the scenes negotiations that took place to enable that, the role played by former PM Goh Chok Tong, and the necessity of cooperation between the two democracies.

The India-US relations, how the US began to lure India into its fold, how the partnership cemented, the background on Indo-US Nuclear Deal, the stupid role played by the communists in trying to stall the deal, how Manmohan Singh ensured that the deal was made – all these are captured the sequential manner  in which these occurred. Lots of insights here on how Singh ensured the deal got through.

The book talks in detail about the state or the lack of it in Pakistan and how the nation was behind the Nov 26, 2008 attack on Mumbai. The detail on the young Singaporean lawyer Lo Hwei Yen who was killed while on her one day work visit to Mumbai would bring tears to your eyes not only because of the dastardly nature of the attack but also because of the journalistic ethic that the author displayed when he didn’t want to look at the naked body of the victim, as he thought that would have amounted to violation of privacy of a lady. Such journalists are a rare breed in this era of Twitter journalism.

5188ewqcnyl-_ac_us160_fmwebp_ql70_The author is highly critical of Shashi Tharoor for his flamboyant methods to woo international opinion to favour his elevation as UN Secretary General. Tharoor comes out as selfish, attention seeking and always-after-power type in spite of his ebullience and erudition. Tharoor, in order to win over the confidence of Sonia Gandhi and get her support to get India’s backing for his position, goes to meet her in person, carrying a biography of Nehru that he had written. Despite the Indian external affairs ministry’s misgivings in fielding Tharoor, just because Sonia Gandhi approved his nomination, India backed him, and in the process got disgraced when the US sided with the Korean nomination, Ban Ki Moon. Condolezza Rice’s comment on Tharoor is all the more damaging. Tharoor becomes the case of a person who put himself ahead of the nation.

Sri Lankan equation makes an interesting reading. That the LTTE dug it own grave is all the more evident. But some genuinely sympathetic exchanges from Rajiv Gandhi to Prabhakaran – the former gave the latter his bullet proof vest – were discarded by the LTTE and today the terrorist organization doesn’t exist. This section explains in detail how the LTTE didn’t get the post 2001 international situation at all and this, coupled with Indian animosity, ended in the downfall of the Tigers.

While dwelling on Tigers and the final phase of assault, the author explains in detail as to what happened prior to Karunanidhi’s bizarre half a day ‘fast-unto-death’ when he had prior input from P.Chidambaram that there would be a temporary cessation of hostilities.I would only recommend that at least this section be translated into Tamil and circulated in Tamil Nadu. The sequence of event is as below ;

  1. Elections are underway in India. Polling in TN was to have happened on 13-May.
  2. Congress govt worries that any news of Prabhakaran’s death would jeopardize the polling in TN against Congress-DMK combine.
  3. Shivshankar Menon and Narayanan travel to Sri Lanka to ask them to stop hostilities for a couple of weeks.
  4. Sri Lanka agrees.
  5. P.Chidambaram conveys this to Karunanidhi.
  6. Next morning, on 28 April 2009, Karunanidhi announces a ‘fast-unto-death’.
  7. Sri Lanka announces ceasefire the same day.
  8. Karunanidhi declares ‘Victory’and calls off ‘fast-unto-death’.
  9. Polling gets over on 13-May.
  10. DMK & Congress get elected.
  11. Prabhakaran is killed on 19-May.

Conspiracy, self-centric policies, avarice, intrigue – the characteristics that Karunanidhi symbolizes, are shown in the above approach. The author captures it all.

Ravi talks about the ‘Mallu Mafia’ – the bureaucratic stranglehold that the Malayalee bureaucrats – TKA Nair, M.K.Narayanan, Shiv Shankar Menon – had on the govt, the politics that unfolded, the power struggle in the bureaucracy and after-effects thereafter.

Anthony, India’s worst defense minister ever, is dealt with in a separate chapter. As a result of the Right to Information Act, bureaucrats become averse to taking any decision and begin to pass on the buck. This strangulates decision making and puts purchases for armed forces under scanner. Meanwhile several mishaps take place in the naval force. The defense minister blames the then Naval chief D.K.Joshi and accepts the latter’s resignation in the most ungraceful manner. The UPA government under Singh had not only institutionalized corruption but also defamed the armed forces. The then Army Chief V.K.Singh’s retirement age episode took place in this period. The author has captured all these in minute detail.

What is shocking is the reason attributed to Anthony’s actions. Under fire from all directions on different scams related to 2G auction, Coal, Commonwealth Games and Aadarsh Building, Anthony was expecting Manmohan Singh to resign so that he could take over the reins.

There is an imbalance in the author’s treatment of a scam pertaining to a Singapore company in an Indian arms deal. Anthony had black-listed the company. The author loses his balance here and starts his mud-slinging on Anthony. It is a different matter that Anthony deserves not handfuls of mud but mountains of it. He makes a startling revelation that Manmohan Singh had early stage Parkinson’s disease and hence was not as active when he was Prime Minister and often looked wooden even in public appearances.

Ravi also talks about the ‘prince-charming’ who has been in eternal wait – Rahul Gandhi. He some how claims that Rahul is an exceptional listener, a voracious reader and an eager learner. None of what Ravi says has been visible sofar. He even says a Singapore minister had spent a day with Rahul and was enchanted at the latter’s curiosity. Ravi could have said more on this episode. The claim that Sonia Gandhi is also a voracious reader is news.

There is an interesting bit on Sonia Gandhi’s refusal to accept the Prime Ministership listening to her ‘inner-voice’. It turns out that it was Rahul Gandhi who argued with Sonia not to accept the position as he felt the position was too risky. Natwar Singh who was party to the conversation confirms this to the author.

Another interesting tidbit that we gather is that Rahul had come twice to Singapore and to spend some time listening to the legendary Lee Kuan Yew who had asked him not to hurry for position, to surround himself with smart and reliable folks and be ready when the time comes. Looking at the kind of folks that Congress has, it seems Lee Kuan Yew’s advice would remain an advice.

The author also covers the wholly unconstitutional National Advisory Council with Sonia as the Chairperson that had enormous powers even on the Prime Minister and the complete compromise that Singh had to resort to in order to please Sonia and her coterie and similar such items in this book that send shock waves over one’s spine.

The author concludes with Modi, talking about his performance in Gujarat, his gradual ascendancy in national politics and then becoming PM at last. An essential book on India through the eyes of an outsider who knows more people inside than the rest of the insiders.

Soniaji, Just two words

Dear Soniaji – Just two words to you. Shut Up.

You have no business to disrupt my parliament for your family business.

Get the facts first. The National Herald case is not worth the salt that the Indians eat in a year. So better shut up.

If you have problem with Modi being PM, then say so. Bring a no-confidence motion in parliament and try out. If it succeeds, you win. If it doesn’t, will your 40 MPs resign ?

If you have a problem with the BJP, fight an election against them. Don’t stop parliament.

If you guys don’t want to  speak in Parliament, then do one thing. Shut Up and allow others to speak. You have no business stalling my country.

Again, Soniaji, we are watching and we are not damn fools, for we are not from your party.

This National Herald case is your damn family problem, a result of your avarice. If you have a problem with the court, have guts and say so. And remember, that would be held in contempt of court and you could lose your MP seat. So, just to be safe, Shut Up.

Don’t take cue from P.Chidambaram. He can talk anything about the case, for he is not an MP anymore. But your seat is at stake. So, better Shut Up.

I pity you. I know your problem. Your half-wit son is your problem. I know you are frustrated with him. But that is a genetic carry over. What can I, an Indian by gene, do for that?

And there is a means to shut your child up. Send him to Bangkok. He seems to have a fascination for the place. If in parliament, ask him to Shut Up. Even George Bush looks like Einstein if your son speaks.

Again, your half-wit son is definitely an embarrassment. Not for you, but for me. I am ashamed and alarmed every time he opens his mouth.

There is a way to shut him up. Get him married. Guys stop talking the moment they are married.

And for you, talk to Karunanidhi once. He knows the power of silence, the way he was silent when Tamils were killed in Sri Lanka.

Or there is another way. Join Jayalalithaa’s AIADMK. Once you join the party, you automatically become dumb with the exception of bleating the word ‘Amma’ twice every one second.

But, until then, just shut your mouth up and let parliament function. For it is my country’s future that is at stake, not yours.

Yours Angrily,

An Indian.

See you in Bangkok

If you get out of coma all of a sudden, how would you feel ? Probably that is how Rahul Gandhi feels now-a-days.

He has said,“I used to think only farmers, tribals and labourers are cheated on matters related to land. But I learnt something new today. Even the middle class is cheated and flat buyers are victimised.”

It is a wonder that he has ‘learnt something new’ today. It has suddenly dawned on him that the middle class are being cheated by flats developers and so he has declared that he is with the middle class.

What he has probably not ‘learnt’ is DLF is leading the pack of developers who have cheated flat buyers. Probably he has also not ‘learnt’ that Robert Vadra, his brother-in-law, has had several infamous transactions with DLF.

Let us hope he learns one lesson every day. Last week he ‘learnt’ about the farmers’ problems. Later he ‘learnt’ about Net Neurality and then ‘learnt’ about Rishikesh.

I think going to Bangkok opens up ones’ mind, increases the levels of Dopamine and Serotonin in the grey matter and thus ‘enables’ learning.

Come let us go to Bangkok. Seems it is good for us.

See you in Bangkok.

The Art of using RTI

You are waiting for your morning coffee or are about to brush your teeth or are about to open the computer. You could be doing any one of these or all these simultaneously. And if you feel your hands quivering or teeth rattling or sweat brimming on your forehead, then you are probably working in Singapore in a bank and are awaiting your appraisal.

Now, is there a way out ? How do you de-stress yourselves ?

Here is how. Read this conversation between the school teacher and the school boy. ( Teacher : T.  Boy : B )

T: What is your name ?

B: Actually when I was a toddler my grand mother used to send me lunch box.

T: I asked your name.

B: Yes, that is what I am driving at. My grand mother used to say that …

T: Did you hear what I had said ?

B: See, what is ‘hear’ ? One that you feel is what  is needed. My granny used to…

T: Okay. Leave it. How old are you ?

B: Statistically speaking, there is nothing called a number. It is just a notation of something that we don’t know yet.

T: Is there a problem with your ear ? Do you hear me ?

B: Here and there are nothing. What is here and there ? Two places ? See, my grand mother..

T: Boy, I need a straight answer. Tell me your age.

B: See, ageing is a phenomenon that can be overcome with empowerment of the women.

T: Okay, got it. Now, who is Obama ?

B: Mama is the male brother of my female mother. And ‘O’ is the exclamation. Actually when you empower..

T: Mama ? Okay. How do you write your name ?

B: Actually writing is empowerment. And for empowerment you need RTI. And for RTI…

T: I am asking you, how do you write your name ?

B: Precisely the point. Empowerment makes you write. And that is what I have been saying, empower them.

T: Are you answering me or answering some invisible person here ? Answer to the point.

B: What is an answer ? It is the reply to a question. And what is the question ? It is how to empower women. And through RTI..

T: To hell with your ear drum. Answer me.

B: I am answerable to the people. People mean energy. Energy is derived from fossil fuels and that cause green revolution..

T: Stupid, that causes global warming. Answer me.

B: Precisely. How do you know about global warming ? Through empowerment. How to get empowerment ? Through RTI.

T: Okay, I give it to you. What is RTI ?

B: What is RTI ? How can there be a question on RTI ? RTI is empowerment. And for empowerment you need RTI.

T : Very good. But what is RTI ?

B: That is precisely my point. What is RTI ? RTI is empowerment. Without RTI there is no empowerment and vice versa.

T: Vice versa ? Could you explain ?

B : Explain ? Correct. We will explain to the people of the country. People understand. That is what RTI is all about.

T: Okay I perfectly understand. Now let us come to 1984.

B: Exactly. That is what it is all about. 1984 is the year that came after 1983. And before 1985. And knowing this is empowerment.

T: I perfectly understand this logic. Let me ask you a question, a straight question.

B: Ask me a question ? Asking question is RTI. And that is the essence of empowerment.

T: Okay Boy. I just need to know one thing. I need to know answers from you. You don’t seem to understand. What should I do ?

B: Precisely. That is what RTI is for. That will give you empowerment.

T: But I want answers.

B: Yes, for answers you need to ask questions. Only questions will get you answers.

T: That is what I am going. Asking you questions. You don’t seem to answer.

B:Precisely. That is why there is RTI. You use RTI to get …

T: I give up. But one last question. I just forgot who I am after talking to you. What should I do now ?

B: Precisely. File an RTI and you will …

T: I will be empowered, right ? But who am I ?

B: That is why you need an RTI.

Note : Last heard that the Teacher jumped from the 8th floor to escape from the boy and of course the RTI.

P.S: The characters and the above sequence are imaginary and don’t represent Arnob Goswami and Rahul Gandhi. Any similarities are coincidental.

A tale of two people

So Nehru entered into an agreement with Sheikh Abdullah for special treatment for Jammu and Kashmir – the Article 370 of the constitution. And the constituent assembly was in progress for finalizing the constitution of India.

India had just become independent and the integration of the states into the Indian union was in progress with Sardar Patel at the helm, he being the Home Minister of independent India.

Nehru, as the Prime Minister and a native of Jammu and Kashmir, took special interest and was looking at how the state could be integrated into the Indian union. But unknown to anybody else he had entered into an agreement with Sheikh Abdullah effectively agreeing for many things like Indians from other parts of the country not being able to buy property in J&K – effectively according special status to the state in the Indian union.

Sardar Patel was asked specifically not to look into the J&K affairs. Nehru had appointed Gopalaswamy Aiyangar, the then Prime Minister of Jammu as the Minister without portfolio to look into the J&K integration on his behalf.  Aiyangar, as a true Gandhian and an loyal soldier of the Congress, was performing his role as per the wishes of Nehru.

Let us take a step back to 1947. Gopalaswamy Aiyangar had been inducted into the cabinet to look into the J&K affairs by Nehru without consulting Patel who was the Home Minister and in-charge of states’ integration. Patel was justifiably angry and told Nehru about it. Nehru immediately shot back a letter to Patel saying that Ayyangar has been appointed exclusively by Nehru to look into J&K due to his knowledge of the state and hence expected every other minister to fall in line and support Ayyangar in that task. This letter was dated 23-Dec-1947.

Upon receipt of the letter from Nehru, within one hour, Patel sent in his resignation letter, thanking Nehru for the cooperation given during his tenure. Then Mahatma Gandhi had to intervene and ensure that Patel rejoined the cabinet.

In this back drop, the constituent assembly was formed and was drafting the constitution when Nehru had entered into the rather un-welcome and wholly irresponsible pact with Sheikh Abdullah that we saw in the beginning of this post.

Let us come back to 1950 when the constitution was about to be adopted. The information about the pact was not known to the cabinet. Nehru instructed Ayyangar to table the Article 370 proposal on a particular day in the constituent assembly proceedings after Nehru himself had gone out of the country to attend a common wealth conference of heads of state.

Note that Nehru had instructed Ayyangar to table the proposal after he himself was out of the country.

Ayyangar was torn between his loyalty to the party and the word of his boss. As a loyal soldier, he tabled the proposal.

Justifiably there was enough uproar and all the nationalists wanted the special status removed.

The matter went to Patel as he was the acting PM with the actual PM out of the country. He was angry beyond all means. He asked Ayyangar, ” How could you do this? What face do I show to the other states?”, to which Ayyangar said that he had been specifically instructed by his boss to table the report and be done with that.

Excepting for Maulana Abul Kalam Azad every one in the Congress objected to that.

But the Sardar took a decision. He said,” Ayyangar did not draft this. He has been asked by Nehru to do place the proposal in the assembly. With the head of the nation outside the country attending an international event, it would be improper to defeat his proposal as that would lower the dignity of the PM as well as that of the nation. So let us go ahead with this with changes ..”.

Later that year Patel died.

On July 24, 1952, Nehru made a statement in the Lok Sabha saying that the Kashmir issue had gone to the UN as the issue had been mis-handled by Sardar Patel when he was out of the country. So it was the Sardar who was responsible for Article 370.

Times had changed by then.  V.Shankar, who was the personal Assistant to Patel during his time was made the Secretary to work for Gopalaswamy Ayyangar who had become the Home Minister replacing Patel. Shankar knew of the proceedings. So he confronted Ayyangar on this to which Ayyangar said,”It is an ill-return to the Sardar for the magnanimity he had shown in accepting Panditji’s point of view against his better judgement. I have told this to Jawahar Lal Nehru already”.

Fast forward to 2013.

The Prime Minister accepts the cabinet’s recommendation on the criminal legislature ordinance and sends the same to the President for approval and leaves to the US.

Rahul Gandhi, the scion of Nehru family, says, “tear the bill and put that into the dust bin”.

Treachery and lack of magnanimity are in the blood it seems.

So what is the need to write about this today ?

Patel died on this day 15-December-1950.

( Ref: ‘A secular agenda’ – Arun Shourie )

Minus 20

‘Appa, What is minus 20 ?’ asked Bharat.

‘Well it could be a number. Like it could be the temperature in say Denver in the USA’, I say.

‘No Appa, Amma says somebody got minus 20. So what is that?’

I am, as usual, confused. Why on earth should someone get minus 20 ?

‘Is it the IIT exam?’ I ask the wife, his Amma thinking about the marks that somebody would have got
in the entrance exams to the technical institutes in India ( hushed tones – yes, my marks ).

‘No, not that. He is asking about something in the TV’ she says.

It was the election news and apparently Bharat was talking about the Congress’ score in Delhi.

Realizing what it was all about, I say,’Bharat, it is the score, like cricket score,like marks’.

‘But who got it ? And how can one get a mark in minus?’He was indeed puzzled.

‘See,let us say you got 80 marks in Maths last month’.

‘No Appa, I got 100 last month’, he protested. He is particular about his marks.

‘Ok, you got 100 last month. And if you get 80 this month, you get a minus twenty, right?’

‘No, you are wrong’, he says, ‘I got 100 this month also’.

Damn his marks. But I continue, ‘let us consider your friend Pradeep got this 100 last month and 80 this month’.

‘Appa, you are wrong even now. Pradeep did not write his exams this month. So how will he get 80?’

Logical question though. I give up and ask him the following :

‘Who got 100 last month and 80 this month in your class?’

‘Hmmm..’, pondering for a while, he says,’ Rahul got that’. This was Rahul Gupta of Class III.

‘Ok. So Rahul got twenty less than last time, right ?’

He agrees.

‘In the same way, there is another Rahul in Delhi. Last month he got 100 and this month he got 80. And so he got minus 20’.

I am extremely happy that I have overcome a major issue.

Bharat still looks confused.

‘So, Appa, is Rahul that you are talking about, is he studying in Class III?’

That ofcourse I do not know.

‘So what is he studying, this Rahul from Delhi?’asks Bharat. I keep quiet.

I think that the interview is over. But Bharat continues further.

‘Appa, If Rahul does so badly at school does his mother not scold him ?’

Some questions are diffiult to answer. How do I explain that his mother is as erudite as Rahul is and
so her score is even poorer than her sons’ ?

Please help me out.

Foolishly yours

I have decided to acknowledge that I am the worst fool available on earth. No, wait a minute. Do I have competition ? I don’t think so. How could anybody be any more foolish than I am ?

Oh come on, I declare I am the worst fool and you don’t want to believe that ? How would I be able to prove that to you ?

Well , let me try. Would you believe me if I change the degrees of comparison. Okay, let me say so in the different degrees thus:

I am more foolish than any other person available on earth. Yes, this is comparative.

Positive ? Okay. No other fool on earth is even as foolish as I am. Convinced ? Not yet ?

Okay. You want me to substantiate that I am the worst fool by giving  examples, right ?

Well here I am and here are my exploits in foolishness:

For the last 65 years all my Prime Ministers have been eradicating poverty from the country. They have eradicated so much poverty that we have had to borrow poverty from neighboring countries to continue to remain poor. And even after 65 years the Prime Minister has recently said that he was going to eradicate poverty. And I continue to believe that he is in the process of eradicating poverty.

How to import poverty ? Well allow illegal immigration from Bangladesh and continue to remain poor. Satisfied ?

Not yet ? Okay, You know this intellectual  Rahul who is supposed to descend the throne soon ? He has declared that there is no poverty in its physical self and that poverty is just a state of the mind. So I believed him and kept saying to the pavement dweller that poverty was just the state of the mind only to get his “blessings” in the choicest epithets that he had reserved for me. And still I believe that poverty is just a state of mind. Am I not foolish ?

Why alone poverty,  my Finance Ministers for the last 65 years have been improving the economy of the country. I believe that. Even my father believed that. Our belief is so strong that the value of the Indian Rupee that was equal to one dollar in 1947 has remained there. Only that the dollar has appreciated so much now . So what can the Finance Minister do ? He keeps saying that the economy is robust and that the rupee is strong. And I believe him. Come’on he is a Harvard MBA. He knows what is wrong and does that precisely in the wrong manner and explains why he did what he did in so suave a manner that any girl would fall for him. I believed him and continue to believe him. So am I not foolish enough already ?

When the terrorists from across the border target our country, I seek solace from the benign grace of the Home Minister and believe that “he is watching the situation’, ‘observing the scenario’, ‘studying the possibilities’ and ‘observing restraint’. And how much I have been believing him ? And if one Home Minister has “observed the situation too much”, he is replaced by another and he too “observes”, “watches closely”,”monitors” and goes out to make way for another. I continue to believe in each of these and would continue to believe in more of his ilk. Could there be anybody foolish than I am ?

Still not convinced about my foolishness ? Read on..

What would the President of a country do along with Chief Ministers of four big states ? If nothing administrative then what else ? They assemble in a southern city to celebrate 100 years of Tamil Cinema. So what ? All police men from all police stations have been requisitioned for security duty for this group of five people. What about people ? Security for them, is that your question ? Well , God protects the 60 million people of the state. But policemen ? They are to protect the five. From what ? Actually the police assemble in such large number and encircle the five worthies so that no harm comes to the poor people from this five. But I am foolish enough to think that these five people are working for the 60 million while they have arrived in a city to honor a handful of movie stars. Am I not the most foolish yet ?

Fine, I agree you are hard to please. Let me elaborate my foolishness further.

You know Modi, right ? The Chief Minister of the state of Gujarat in India. He has ensured that his state contributes one sixth to the GDP of the entire country. And there are more than 25 states. I think this guy, if he becomes the Prime Minister, will ensure that the GDP and therefore the standard of living of the poor people rises. And I foolishly believed that the intellectuals also would believe so. But that is not the case. So I know that no one can surpass me in my foolishness quotient.

Not convinced, come on. Then ask Kapil Sibal. He has a ‘zero loss” philosophy on anything. Assume your house is burgled in broad day light and your LED TV is stolen. Go to him and say so. He will immediately come out with “What has been lost ? Nothing at all. What was your TV then is somebody else’ now. So where is the loss ? Sigma X is always a constant, elementary my dear citizen”. And that is the ‘zero loss theory” for which he is being recommended for this year’s Nobel for Economics. And I believe him to carry me further in the path of “progress”. So, am I not stupid  ? Well, I am actually being foolish, am I not ?

Not convinced yet ? Well, don’t have time now. Will write to you later.

Munna Rahul, samjho beta..

My dear munna Rahul ,

I am really worried about you yaar. No, not because you are not married yet. That you can be at any time. I think that is the only thing that you could possibly do as per your wish.

You know something, this guy Modi –  he is such a ‘badmash’ that he doesn’t speak your language yaar. He speaks about governance and similar stuff that is all utter rubbish. He doesn’t speak your tongue – currency – yaar. So how are you going to stand him once he becomes the PM ? I am really worried , Rahul Beta.

You know something, Bihar could have been a haven for you had you not antagonized the dalits by stealing their daily porridge. See that is why you should have heeded Mommys’ advice and stolen only currencies and stashed them in Switzerland. See brother in law Robert. He robs no doubt but changes the color of the loot. And you know what the  Haryana CM says, “Robert is a small farmer”. Learn your lessons Rahul Beta. I am really worried, Rahul Beta.

You can’t go to the US also because of the FBI case against you. Poor you. See, you are so naive to carry more than 100,000 dollars in suit cases and pass through immigration in the US. Did you think it was your Indira Gandhi Airport where even your labrador puppy darling also can pass through immigration without a check ?

Better get your tickets to Columbia. Ah yes, before I forget, seek asylum in , say, Equador or some such country with whom India does not have extradition treaty. This guy Modi will not leave you yaar. He is such a guy that eats only seven chappatis per day. And is going to become the PM yaar. Rahul, I am really worried about you yaar.

This guy Modi will torture you to no ends if you choose to stay here yaar. He will keep repeating ‘governance’, ‘industry’ ,’progress’ and similar such harsh words and I know how much you will be hurt because of these abuses.

You see, Mani Shankar Iyer had no problems yaar. He already has a Pakistani passport. Have you at any time seen him speak for India? His future is settled. You have been wasting your time in Bihar and UP. See Mani never visits those States. He either visits Pakistan or visits the NDTV studio for he knows that NDTV is the official Paki channel operating in India. In case you didn’t know, just watch Barka Dutts’ performance when Mumbai was attacked by terrorists. How she gave information to the Pakis via her channel. Another instance was her performance during the Kargil war. You neither visit TV studios nor Pakistan.

Only the “secular” God can save you once Modi comes to power, yaar. Thum samajthe kyon nahin, beta ?

Lucky for you for you have a foreign girl friend.  Better book your tickets to Columbia yaar. No time to waste you see.

This guy, your partys’ only “intellectual” delinquent Shashi Tharoor. He is so backward in his thoughts that he has chosen an Indian lady as his wife. Where will he escape ? Poor guy he even is not the Under Secretary to the UN now. But he has a way out. He could immediately join the Communist Party and then could join the JNU- the citadel of delinquent communists. He had a way out yaar. Thum pade likhe bhi nahin beta.

He atleast speaks English. And had an accent too. In India police don’t touch those speaking English with a”phoren” accent. You can’t speak in English, leave alone the accent. Ya, you could speak in Hindi but your English is far better than your Hindi.

Arre Rahul, don’t worry about Pawar-ji. He is a friend of Advani and Nitin Gatkari. So he will still have his sugar mills to hide in Maharashtra. What have you got yaar ?

Don’t ask about Chiddu-ji yaar. That south indian with a dhoti will get a job as a lawyer some where yaar. He has a degree and speaks English that nobody understands.  What have you got ? Have you ever spoken to yourself in front of a mirror ?

Arre, this Montek Singh ? Don’t bother about him yaar. Uske pass tho Oxford ka degree hain. Oxford canteen mein kaam milega. He can live in 32 rupees, yaar.

Arre yaar, don’t talk about Karunanithi-ji. He doesn’t have a problem at all. He has that uncanny ability to switch sides to ensure Alagiri and Kani are deeply berthed inside the parliament. But what about the ideals of Periyar and Anna. What, did I hear you say “Who Periyar ?”  He has two options. Patch up with Modi and work work him to escape isolation and  counter Amma or ensure that the Italy coterie is back in power so that he can continue the rationalist loot unabated. Come to think of it. With Modi in Delhi and his friend in Chennai, where will he be ? Another Tamil conference ? No way. . So he will escape as usual. He patched up with your grand mother and escaped the Sarkaria Commission. Similarly he has other ways.

Rahul beta – you have another option. Seek asylum in Columbia. Father-in-law will help you to be out of the way.

Just in case you still happen to be in Delhi after Modi comes to power, don’t be scared yaar. Tihar mein Pizza Hut ka branch khula gaya hain. Sab Italian milega. Oh yes, already South Indian Saravana bhavan has a branch there. Demographics you see !

With affection,

Right Off Center

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