Soniaji, fire your speech writer please

Dear Smt.Soniaji,

I am a dark skinned Indian from the south of the Vindhyas. Oh, yes, the same Vindhya mountain ranges in Central India. And yes, world exists and people still live in the southern part of India.

Just to remind you: India is where you had come to live as a daughter-in-law.

So, why am I writing to you in English? Well, I don’t know Italian. And, Mani Sankar Iyer, your speech writer, can translate this for you to understand. I could have written in Tamil, for Mani is supposed to know Tamil as well. But with his dubious mastery of English and an equally dubious sense of history, I very much doubt Mani would understand Tamil. In any case, no one in Tamil Nadu would be reading this letter. Hence, it really doesn’t matter.

I know you are naïve and hence read Mani gives you. But when you read in Parliament, please take care. All speeches are recorded unless or otherwise expunged. That your speeches are foolish because your speech writer is foolish, is known to us. But generations later, my great-grandchildren should not think that their great-grandfather had lived in times when the leader of the opposition was a nincompoop.

Take this example. Yesterday you had said this about the constitution:

“People who never had faith in the Constitution, nor had they participated in its drafting, are now swearing by it and are laying claim to it. They are now having a discussion on commitment to it. There cannot be a bigger joke than this.”

Yes, it was written 60 years ago. Rahul is 40+ and hence, by your logic, he is not eligible to take oath in the name of the constitution. Extend that logic and Obama could not have become Prez at all. And for England, there could be no PM, for there is no single written constitution.

Additionally, Ambedkar did not want the two words – secular and socialist- in the preamble of the statute book. He felt that he should not impose on the people what their means of conducting business should be. And he was quite right in his opinion. Here is the link to the proceedings in the constituent assembly. You might probably have known about the Constitution of India. It was discussed word by word in this assembly of scholars. Mani, by virtue of his being ideologically inclined towards Pakistan, might not have known about this august assembly. You could consult with Shashi Tharoor – the only guy in your party to have some sense of history in his speeches.

Here is what happened. On 15-Nov-1945, Prof.K.T.Shah from Bihar brought an amendment in the constituent assembly. He wanted to include ‘socialist’ and ‘secular’ in the preamble of the constitution. Dr.Ambedkar didn’t agree and had this to say :

“I regret that I cannot accept the amendment of Prof. K. T. Shah. My objections, stated briefly, are two. In the first place the Constitution, as I stated in my opening speech in support of the motion I made before the House, is merely a mechanism for the purpose of regulating the work of the various organs of the State. It is not a mechanism whereby particular members or particular parties are installed in office. What should be the policy of the State, how the Society should be organized in its social and economic side are matters which must be decided by the people themselves according to time and circumstances. It cannot be laid down in the Constitution itself because that is destroying democracy altogether.”

You had also said that the Congress realized the genius of Ambedkar and appointed him the Chairman of the drafting committee. Truth is, as usual, far from it. Ambedkar had to campaign for being added into the constituent assembly. It was Gandhiji’s magnanimity that resulted in Ambedkar being added to the august assembly. You might not know this, neither would anybody in the Congress. Please ask somebody to read you the memoirs of Jagjivan Ram. Let me also quote some more instances where Ambedkar was not interested in the drafting of the constitution as also some instances where he had ‘behaved’ properly with the British:

Dr.Ambedkar, 2-Sep-1953, Rajya Sabha Speech:

“People always keep on saying to me:’O, you are the maker of the Constitution’. My answer is I was a hack. What I was asked to do so, I did much against the will… Sir, my friends tell me that I have made the Constitution. But I am quite prepared to say that I shall be the first person to burn it out..”

British Viceroy of India to The Cabinet mission, 05-Apr-1946 :

“He ( Ambedkar ) thought that if India became independent it would be one of the greatest disasters that could happen..”

British Secretary of State for India to the Governor of Madras : 24-Sep-1933 :

” During the last two or three years I have seen a great deal of Ambedkar,and, like most of my friends, I have been impressed by his ability and his manifest desire to support the British influence in India…”

British Secretary of State to the Viceroy of India, 28-Dec-1932 :

” Ambedkar has behaved very well at the (Round Table ) Conference, and I am most anxious to strengthen his hands in every possible way ..”

Here is what the ‘Architect’ of the constitution had to say about the constituent assembly itself.

Dr.Babasaheb Ambedkar, All India Scheduled Class Federation, Bombay, 6-May-1945 :

“I must state that I am wholly opposed to the proposal of a Constituent Assembly. It is absolutely superfluous. I regard it as a most dangerous project… I do not see why a Constituent Assembly is at all necessary.Indians are not in the same position as the Fathers of the American Constitution were. So much of the Constitution of India has already been written out in the Government of India Act, 1935. It is my considered opinion that the proposal of Constituent Assembly is more dangerous than profitable and should not be entertained”.

BTW – be more careful with Mani. Two decades ago, he had promised to make Mayiladuthurai, his erstwhile constituency, a Singapore. Thank God that Singapore doesn’t know this, for they would sue Mani for damaging brand Singapore. Mayiladuthurai looks like Singapore of 1900.

Meanwhile, if you have decided to write the epitaph of the Congress, that is fine by me. As the party was founded by a European, A.O.Hume, it is only natural that it be buried by another European. But let it die its natural death. Your son, Rahul is hell bent on killing it. And in India killing is illegal while death due to natural reasons is acceptable. Just listen to his recent Mount Carmel School speech and you will know what I mean.

Probably Mount Carmel questions were asked by Indian girls and hence wouldn’t matter for you. Here is a US journalist on Rahul. As this is by a non-Indian, probably this might help.

I have an idea. Why not make Rahul the ambassador of North Korea? The intolerant PM would be too willing to accede to that demand, for there is no other way of decimating Kim Jong Un. Aamir Khan can keep Rahul company.

At least you could save the embarrassment of having to live with a half-wit son who doesn’t know which nation he belongs to, and files his income tax in the UK while being an MP in India.

First things first. Fire your speech writer. Else, start acting in Tamil films, for Vadivelu doesn’t star nowadays.

Yours Sincerely,
A dark skinned Indian from the South of the Vindhyas.

Munna Rahul, samjho beta..

My dear munna Rahul ,

I am really worried about you yaar. No, not because you are not married yet. That you can be at any time. I think that is the only thing that you could possibly do as per your wish.

You know something, this guy Modi –  he is such a ‘badmash’ that he doesn’t speak your language yaar. He speaks about governance and similar stuff that is all utter rubbish. He doesn’t speak your tongue – currency – yaar. So how are you going to stand him once he becomes the PM ? I am really worried , Rahul Beta.

You know something, Bihar could have been a haven for you had you not antagonized the dalits by stealing their daily porridge. See that is why you should have heeded Mommys’ advice and stolen only currencies and stashed them in Switzerland. See brother in law Robert. He robs no doubt but changes the color of the loot. And you know what the  Haryana CM says, “Robert is a small farmer”. Learn your lessons Rahul Beta. I am really worried, Rahul Beta.

You can’t go to the US also because of the FBI case against you. Poor you. See, you are so naive to carry more than 100,000 dollars in suit cases and pass through immigration in the US. Did you think it was your Indira Gandhi Airport where even your labrador puppy darling also can pass through immigration without a check ?

Better get your tickets to Columbia. Ah yes, before I forget, seek asylum in , say, Equador or some such country with whom India does not have extradition treaty. This guy Modi will not leave you yaar. He is such a guy that eats only seven chappatis per day. And is going to become the PM yaar. Rahul, I am really worried about you yaar.

This guy Modi will torture you to no ends if you choose to stay here yaar. He will keep repeating ‘governance’, ‘industry’ ,’progress’ and similar such harsh words and I know how much you will be hurt because of these abuses.

You see, Mani Shankar Iyer had no problems yaar. He already has a Pakistani passport. Have you at any time seen him speak for India? His future is settled. You have been wasting your time in Bihar and UP. See Mani never visits those States. He either visits Pakistan or visits the NDTV studio for he knows that NDTV is the official Paki channel operating in India. In case you didn’t know, just watch Barka Dutts’ performance when Mumbai was attacked by terrorists. How she gave information to the Pakis via her channel. Another instance was her performance during the Kargil war. You neither visit TV studios nor Pakistan.

Only the “secular” God can save you once Modi comes to power, yaar. Thum samajthe kyon nahin, beta ?

Lucky for you for you have a foreign girl friend.  Better book your tickets to Columbia yaar. No time to waste you see.

This guy, your partys’ only “intellectual” delinquent Shashi Tharoor. He is so backward in his thoughts that he has chosen an Indian lady as his wife. Where will he escape ? Poor guy he even is not the Under Secretary to the UN now. But he has a way out. He could immediately join the Communist Party and then could join the JNU- the citadel of delinquent communists. He had a way out yaar. Thum pade likhe bhi nahin beta.

He atleast speaks English. And had an accent too. In India police don’t touch those speaking English with a”phoren” accent. You can’t speak in English, leave alone the accent. Ya, you could speak in Hindi but your English is far better than your Hindi.

Arre Rahul, don’t worry about Pawar-ji. He is a friend of Advani and Nitin Gatkari. So he will still have his sugar mills to hide in Maharashtra. What have you got yaar ?

Don’t ask about Chiddu-ji yaar. That south indian with a dhoti will get a job as a lawyer some where yaar. He has a degree and speaks English that nobody understands.  What have you got ? Have you ever spoken to yourself in front of a mirror ?

Arre, this Montek Singh ? Don’t bother about him yaar. Uske pass tho Oxford ka degree hain. Oxford canteen mein kaam milega. He can live in 32 rupees, yaar.

Arre yaar, don’t talk about Karunanithi-ji. He doesn’t have a problem at all. He has that uncanny ability to switch sides to ensure Alagiri and Kani are deeply berthed inside the parliament. But what about the ideals of Periyar and Anna. What, did I hear you say “Who Periyar ?”  He has two options. Patch up with Modi and work work him to escape isolation and  counter Amma or ensure that the Italy coterie is back in power so that he can continue the rationalist loot unabated. Come to think of it. With Modi in Delhi and his friend in Chennai, where will he be ? Another Tamil conference ? No way. . So he will escape as usual. He patched up with your grand mother and escaped the Sarkaria Commission. Similarly he has other ways.

Rahul beta – you have another option. Seek asylum in Columbia. Father-in-law will help you to be out of the way.

Just in case you still happen to be in Delhi after Modi comes to power, don’t be scared yaar. Tihar mein Pizza Hut ka branch khula gaya hain. Sab Italian milega. Oh yes, already South Indian Saravana bhavan has a branch there. Demographics you see !

With affection,

Right Off Center

%d bloggers like this: