Dictionary of Stupidity

Have you ever thought about being stupid or being an idiot ? Never mind if you have not. I have profound experience in that pursuit.

In my relentless pursuit of knowledge to discover the difference between ‘being a stupid’ and ‘being an idiot’, I have come across many more such states in which one might find oneself – between being stupid and an idiot.

Let me explain. I know that I don’t understand satellite technology. Just in case anybody asks me to explain the nuances of the technology that goes in into a satellite, I fumble, flounder, prevaricate, stutter, groan, mutter and generally behave like Rahul on TV. it goes something like this :

Q : ‘Explain satellite technology?’

Me: Technology used in a satellite is satellite technology.

Q: Explain what technologies are used in a satellite

Me: Any technology that is supposed to be used in a satellite is the technology that is used in a satellite.

Q : Well, can you explain any one technology in a satellite ?

Me: Actually, the power to question and know the answer is a trait that manifests itself in the form of a technology that is used in a satellite. And that is …

If the interview proceeds in the aforementioned fashion then I am an idiot.

Suppose I repeat this exercise, again and again, in front of different audiences and appear to show that I am indeed answering the questions and that the answers are relevant, then I am stupid.

In short, the insistence on consistently exhibiting ones’ idiocy and pretending that one is on the right every time results in one being declared stupid.

Note : The explanations provided are trademarked and copyrighted ( copy wronged ?). Any resemblances to any incidents in the past or future or to any Television interview programs, in the past or future, with or without involving Arnob Goswami, are and would be coincidental.

So who is the worst fool ?

Last couple of days I have been searching and blogging my search about who the worst fool was in India. I thought I was the worst fool. Then I came across this. I have no further comments. I give up my position. I stand defeated. I accept his victory. I am no match before this ‘erudition’. And Manmohan-ji wants to work under this ‘erudition’.

Simply put: There is no competition to the first position on foolishness and stupidity. Here is the evidence. I won’t name the person. Find it out for yourself !!

( The quotations are from Speakingtree.in and the comments in italics are mine)


CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“There is a tendency to look at India as a country. If you go back 1,000 or 2,000 years, India is actually energy. It is a force. It came from Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati. As this energy goes abroad, you are our people who will tell everyone what this energy is all about. It’s this energy that’s driving us”.

Now you know where energy comes from, dear reader. Learn from the Oracle.

Interaction with professionals, Ahmedabad (Feb 2009)

“Gujarat is bigger than the United Kingdom, to give you an idea. In fact, India is bigger than Europe and the United States put together”.

Now you know your Geography, dear reader. Learn from the genius.

Speech on nuke deal in Parliament (March 2009)

“I spoke about two poor families – one of them was called Mrs Kala. Mrs Kala said she had diversified her income sources and used that to bring up her nine children. Nuclear energy acts as Kala’s main crop. The problem is the way our nuclear industry is positioned. Our scientists are tied because they do not have fuel, investment and technology. I’m proud to say Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has recognised the problem as well as the potential solution”.

Sorry. Didn’t understand anything. Let me know if you did.

Interaction with media, Kolkata (Sept 2013)

“Politics is everywhere. It’s in your shirt, your pants. Politics is everywhere. That is the problem with youngsters these days. This is a fundamental problem and we are trying to solve this problem”.

Now , dear reader, what is inside your clothes. Know your biology, reader. And that is why they say ,”don’t play politics !”

Reaction to Anna Hazare’s agitation at Ram Lila Maidan, New Delhi (Aug 2011)

“The real question is can we take up the battle against corruption? There are no simple solutions. It requires a firm political will. Annaji has expressed the same sentiments. The question before us is whether we are prepared to take corruption head on. Lokpal Bill cannot be a substitute to fighting corruption”.

Let me know what he means. Does he support or oppose Annaji ?

Chairing a talk on future of the Internet, JNU campus, New Delhi Jan 2013)

“Stop asking politicians what they would do. Start asking yourself what you would do. That’s how the country will move forward”.

Dear reader, please, don’t bang your head on the wall. I know it hurts reading the above.

A meeting with students of LN Mishra university, Darbhanga, Bihar (Aug 2011)

“If the country has to change, Gujarat has to change – a comment that sparked an uproar and resulted in his exiting the meeting midway. His correction: ‘Galti se Gujarat bol diya Bihar ke bajaaye’ (By mistake I said Gujarat instead of Bihar)”.

Dear reader, know your India. Bihar is where Gujarat is. Bang hard on the wall.

Indian Institute of Information Technology convocation, Amethi (Nov 2011)

“I would like to talk about the big picture. Here’s the big picture. When we started 60 years ago, we were not connected. No roads, no schools and no healthcare. Villages were not speaking to each other. The energy of India, which lies within people, was not talking to each other. We’ve been able to connect Indians. We started out as a poor nation where everybody was poor”.

Reader, here is the revelation. We started as a poor nation as we were poor and continue to remain poor as we started poor as we were a nation of poor which was because the people were too poor to start rich. Bang hard on the wall, man.

CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“There are people doing yoga in New York and dancing around, that’s Indian power. You go to a night club somewhere in Spain and there’s Amitabh Bachchan on the screen there, dancing around. That’s the power of India. That’s the power of Indian people”.

Reader, know your Indian power. The man goes to night club and wants to rule you. Bang more, the wall is still intact.

Congress workshop on social media, New Delhi

“If India is a computer, Congress is its default program. Congress comes natural to India’s ethos. Here, anger and aggression are not appreciated”.

Reader, now you know why the computer wouldn’t start.

CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“Optimism for me is like India. It is bursting with dreams and fearless ideas, brave ideas. Millions and millions of youngsters are struggling every day with optimism”.

Reader, do you know how to struggle with optimism? Don’t know ? So, bang your head hard on every available wall.

CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“We have to provide the roads on which our dreams are paved. And these roads can’t have potholes. They can’t break down in six months. They have to be big roads because they are going to carry strong people, strong forces”.

Reader, learn to build roads, man. He has earlier asked you to ask yourself and propel yourself forward. So build roads, go forward and bang repeatedly on the wall.

A reaction just after the Mumbai attacks (July 2011)

“It is difficult to prevent every single terror attack. If the US can’t prevent terror attacks, how can we? The war is taking place. Not in the US, but on them. The war has moved. They are losing people in Afghanistan. We can stop 99 per cent of attacks, but one per cent may get through”.

Let me know if you understand this chinese script. Bang, bang..

Chairing a talk by Internet founder Vint Cerf, JNU, New Delhi (Jan 2013)

“Every situation that Indian person finds himself in is extremely complex. We have to deal with the red lights. As young leaders here have to deal with senior with senior leaders, suddenly someone disrupts your entire life. Everything happens, sort of, according to your karma, it’s all random”.

Dear reader, time to get admitted in the nearest mental asylum.Book a bed for me too.

CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“We need to empower everybody, not one person, not almost everybody, but everybody”.

Dear reader, get ready to be empowered by the reader, err.. leader. Bang bang..

CII summit, New Delhi (April 2013)

“I went to University in 1991. I remember nobody thought of India. I remember conversations where people would laugh and say, ‘Do you have elephants on the road?’ Nobody is saying that today. A huge part of it is because of you people”.

Reader, please don’t walk on the road. Elephants are stranded. Bang bang..

During a talk in Allahabad on ‘Culture, Deepening Democracy and Most Marginalised Communities’ (Aug 2013)

“Poverty is a state of mind. It does not mean the scarcity of food, money or material things. If one possesses self-confidence, then one can overcome poverty”.

Dear Reader, if you have reached here, then most probably you are an in-patient in the Government Mental Hospital, Kilpauk, Chennai as there is nothing else you can be once you go through these highly erudite quotations. And the one on your left is myself. But who is the one on your right ? Refer the title of this post.

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