Some tips to 'Justice' Katju

Dear Mr.Katju,

I know that I would not be committing any contempt of court by writing to you. Though I know that you have retired. But the fun is you don’t know that you are retired and so continue to write judgments in cases that are not in your jurisdiction.

From your press utterances and television interviews and your rather frequent articles in The Hindu, I have come to understand that you are a great human being and that your forgiving heart is so vast that you have the ability to forgive  even the aliens that are likely to invade earth some years from now.

Having known your large heart and your boundless and limitless love of humanity, I would like to draw your attention to some cases that would have escaped your attention.( yes, your recent letter to the Chief Justice asking for pardon for Sanjay Dutt for holding weapons of mass termination prompted me to write this letter. )

I know I would have been mauled by now if you were still in service. Now that you are working full time for the Congress after your retirement and having observed your utterances on many issues, here are some tips for you to keep yourself engaged:

2G – Kanimozhi. As you might know, Ms.Kanimozhi ( Kani for short ) is the epitome of tamil womanhood. She has been unfortunate enough to have been born to the leader of world Tamils ( which world, you should not ask ). And she is the only woman poet that the Tamil world has. And her stance on Tamils of Sri Lanka, one cannot ask. She has an opinion on anything and only she knows what she would say on something. And she is the only female politician in Tamil Nadu that speaks English other than Jayalalithaa. With such venerable talent storehouse, we were a bit laid back and hence she did those things that had happened in 2G that she was not aware of. So there has been this conspiracy to defame a woman just because she has been the daughter of my Tamil leader. Additionally, she is also the mother of a son and the wife of a husband. Hence she is more than equipped to be pardoned and released.

The Rajiv Killers – What did they do ? They helped the actual killers. So what, they did not kill right ? So why hang them ? Already a couple of decades have passed. So why not pardon them and establish the supreme motherly love of Bharatha Maatha ?

The Dharmapuri Bus burning case – there are three death sentence convicts. You see they did not set fire to the students who were killed. They set fire to the bus ( mostly dilapidated in my state ) and the students were inside the bus. Why were the students inside the bus ? If so how could anyone complete his historic duty of burning a bus ? I know this would sound logical to you. Please write for their pardon too.

Please ask for Pardon for the 5 year old’s rapist. After all what has he done? He has just violated a child. When you had sought pardon for Sanjay Dutt who has two AK 47s, why not for this ‘Bihari’ gentleman ? 

I know your ‘dharmic’ thoughts on mercy. Hence please start fighting against mosquito extinguishers like Tortoise and the other brands. How could one extinguish mosquitoes? Mosquitoes have as much rights to live in the country as we have. Hence please let your judicial acumen play savior to the mosquitoes of the world.

And please don’t forget the cockroach repellent companies. Seek a ban on the cockroach killers and the other pesticide manufacturers.

Please seek a ban on all the following festivals – Deepavali, Sankaranthi, Ram navami, Janmaashtami. Are we not a secular nation ? We need to celebrate just the Independence Day and Republic Day. And of course Christmas and Id. That is the way to strengthen secularism. I am surprised how this has escaped your attention.

Then there is this horrible Modi. He keeps talking of governance, transparency, good administration, growth, GDP, education etc. All these are anathema to our democracy. Please ensure that he is ostracized completely. I know the English Press is on the job. But your legal acumen would help.

Please ensure that the ‘Friday Features’ section of The Hindu is not published. They talk about Indian culture ( read hinduism ), classical dance( read hindu hegemony ),  religious discourses ( read brahmin hegemony) and the like. You know what – they have even started publishing pictures of hindu temples and are writing articles on temple restoration and those obnoxious ideas. Make sure that the editorial team takes over the Friday Features as well. That will make the paper a truly Chinese paper published from Chennai. Easy way out is for you to take over the Editorial position in the paper. That would complete the full circle.

You see, I have not spoken about eradicating corruption, nepotism, family rule, dynastic politics  etc thus proving that I belong to the same political party as you do.Being compatriots, I earnestly believe that your good offices would be put to better use in the coming times.

With great expectations

A co-worker of the Grand Old Party( like you )

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