I.N.D.I. Poll Strategy Meet

Our Dumeel Times reporter Asattu Ammanji reports on the first ever poll strategy meet that happened this evening with the following I.N.D.I.Alliance members participating. It may be noted that the new entrants Joseph Vijay and Sebastian Simon also took part in the meeting. Here is an excerpt of the meeting that our reporter overheard.

Members : Rahul Gandhi, Shashi Tharoor, Stalin, Sebastian Simon, Tamil Actor Joseph Vijay, Kamal Hassan.

Vijay : CM Sir, CM Uncle, what happened to your poll promises ?

Stalin : Germany is a neat country. We are bringing investments

Rahul : This is not the time for infighting within the alliance. We are empowered to fight only within the party. Like Shashi Tharoor sahib.

Shashi Tharoor : The crux of the issue that we have assembled here to discuss has got nothing to do with general political consensus that we, as a nation, seek to achieve with the recalcitrant United States so much so that the broader world seeks to implement what the rest of the world seeks to not accept.

Kamal Hassan : I have reasons to believe that I am making more sense in my talks that what has been spoken about just now, but that does not mean the the social justice of Periyar has been at risk of being discarded just because he was sporting a beard and walking with a stick and that has relevance to the concept of the first terrorist of independent India being a hindu.

Seeman : I don’t read Hindu paper as I don’t like the name.

Rahul : Even I am a sacred thread sporting brahmin hindu. Even until last week I was sporting a skull cap when I visited Kashmir. So, what is the problem in being a hindu and wearing a skull cap ? Let us close this soon, I need to go to America.

Stalin : I don’t want to go to America as long as Trump is the President because of Modi’s support. I have plans to visit Austria for some new investment proposals.

Vijay : Modi Uncle, Modi Uncle, where is the 15 lakhs uncle ? Can we have this as a slogan ?

Seeman : I am opposed to Slogan. Because it resembles the hindu way of worship by reciting slogams. Do you know that slogams are a derivative of the kolams that the tamil brahmin women draw in front of their homes ? Actually, my great grand father thevar and grand old grand father paandi thurai konar coined the terms kolam. But the brahmins have usurped it.

Shashi Tharoor : The concept of unity of thought and singularity of vision are essential ingredients to forging a formidable alliance against the current ruling dispensation, but, to my astonishment, I find that we all are taking about many things in general and nothing in particular, giving a tough fight the ever loquacious Kamal Hassan a run for this trade.

Kamal Hassan : Precisely what I have been saying that what we speak should be about unity and not of independent visions of the alliance while at the same time contradicting ourselves does not amount to contradicting the singular vision of the alliance by delivering speeches in alliance meetings that seek to confuse and confront rather than..

Rahul Gandhi : Kamal ji, may be you should stop some time. It is becoming difficult to follow. Even Shashi Tharoor is confused whether he is supporting Modi or not. Now I am confused whether I should go to America or Thailand.

Stalin : I am going to England. I am sure about it. That is what Savukku Sankar said last evening.

Seeman : Why no-one is talking about going to Eelam ? Why are you discriminating against the Eelam nation ? When I become Chief Minister, I will revoke passports of all those who don’t go to Eelam.

Joseph Vijay : I am opposed to everyone. I am opposed to all. I am opposed to state and centre. I am conducting my next roadshow in Chennai. That is all.

Shashi Tharoor : How is it that we all have been taking for the last thirty minutes and not seem to have understood why we all have assembled in this room in front of a mic? Somehow this reminds me of the recent Congress party meeting where in nobody wanted to speak, Kharge ji had to speak but didn’t while Rahul ji spoke when he shouldn’t have and Jairam Ramesh gave a press conference opposing Modi while his agenda was to convey his birthday wishes to Sonia ji. This meeting somehow resembles that. May be that is pure coincidence, I am not sure.

Stalin : My answer to anything is : Social Justice.

Kamal Hassan : Well said Chief Minister avargale. I was about to say that it was because of social justice of Periyar that we are assembled here to discuss about the relevance of Periyar in the modern times and the need for opening the portrait of Periyar in every nook and corner of London, like we have done in Tamil Nadu, because Periyar was so opposed to Tamil language.

Seeman : Why are you not opening Periyar portraits in Eelam ? Why are you afraid of going to Eelam to open such portraits and statues ? Once I become Chief Minister, I would be opening the portraits of all my grand fathers and great great grand fathers in all countries starting with Eelam.

Rahul Gandhi : I see excellent progress in our poll strategy. I think we need to talk about ‘vote chori’ in our next meet only as I have to catch a flight to America to meet uncle Soros.

Joseph Vijay : CM Uncle, CM Uncle, what happened to the NEET exam uncle ?

Stalin : That is social justice and that is dravidian model.

Kamal Hassan : Wow, what a timing Chief Minister sir ? I was about to say ‘social justice’ and you have mentioned it already.

Rahul Gandhi : Great minds think alike, correct ?

Shashi Tharoor : There is another version to it : Fools never differ.

Seeman : I would attend the next meeting only in Eelam or under a Palm Tree.

Kamal Hassan : Yes, I second it. There is a palm tree hotel next to my house in Alwarpet. I can save some money if we have the meeting there. But that doesn’t matter. Now MPs can travel free on Air India.

The Hindu Headlines : ‘INDI Poll Strategy all set to storm the country’

Indian Express : ‘INDI Leaders meet. BJP worried’

SUN TV : ‘CM Stalin’s Social Justice to be the INDI poll strategy’

Dinamalar : INDI meet ends in chaos

Dinamani : Kamal Hassan praises Periyar at INDI meet

#Satire

Amaruvi