Munna Rahul, samjho beta..

My dear munna Rahul ,

I am really worried about you yaar. No, not because you are not married yet. That you can be at any time. I think that is the only thing that you could possibly do as per your wish.

You know something, this guy Modi –  he is such a ‘badmash’ that he doesn’t speak your language yaar. He speaks about governance and similar stuff that is all utter rubbish. He doesn’t speak your tongue – currency – yaar. So how are you going to stand him once he becomes the PM ? I am really worried , Rahul Beta.

You know something, Bihar could have been a haven for you had you not antagonized the dalits by stealing their daily porridge. See that is why you should have heeded Mommys’ advice and stolen only currencies and stashed them in Switzerland. See brother in law Robert. He robs no doubt but changes the color of the loot. And you know what the  Haryana CM says, “Robert is a small farmer”. Learn your lessons Rahul Beta. I am really worried, Rahul Beta.

You can’t go to the US also because of the FBI case against you. Poor you. See, you are so naive to carry more than 100,000 dollars in suit cases and pass through immigration in the US. Did you think it was your Indira Gandhi Airport where even your labrador puppy darling also can pass through immigration without a check ?

Better get your tickets to Columbia. Ah yes, before I forget, seek asylum in , say, Equador or some such country with whom India does not have extradition treaty. This guy Modi will not leave you yaar. He is such a guy that eats only seven chappatis per day. And is going to become the PM yaar. Rahul, I am really worried about you yaar.

This guy Modi will torture you to no ends if you choose to stay here yaar. He will keep repeating ‘governance’, ‘industry’ ,’progress’ and similar such harsh words and I know how much you will be hurt because of these abuses.

You see, Mani Shankar Iyer had no problems yaar. He already has a Pakistani passport. Have you at any time seen him speak for India? His future is settled. You have been wasting your time in Bihar and UP. See Mani never visits those States. He either visits Pakistan or visits the NDTV studio for he knows that NDTV is the official Paki channel operating in India. In case you didn’t know, just watch Barka Dutts’ performance when Mumbai was attacked by terrorists. How she gave information to the Pakis via her channel. Another instance was her performance during the Kargil war. You neither visit TV studios nor Pakistan.

Only the “secular” God can save you once Modi comes to power, yaar. Thum samajthe kyon nahin, beta ?

Lucky for you for you have a foreign girl friend.  Better book your tickets to Columbia yaar. No time to waste you see.

This guy, your partys’ only “intellectual” delinquent Shashi Tharoor. He is so backward in his thoughts that he has chosen an Indian lady as his wife. Where will he escape ? Poor guy he even is not the Under Secretary to the UN now. But he has a way out. He could immediately join the Communist Party and then could join the JNU- the citadel of delinquent communists. He had a way out yaar. Thum pade likhe bhi nahin beta.

He atleast speaks English. And had an accent too. In India police don’t touch those speaking English with a”phoren” accent. You can’t speak in English, leave alone the accent. Ya, you could speak in Hindi but your English is far better than your Hindi.

Arre Rahul, don’t worry about Pawar-ji. He is a friend of Advani and Nitin Gatkari. So he will still have his sugar mills to hide in Maharashtra. What have you got yaar ?

Don’t ask about Chiddu-ji yaar. That south indian with a dhoti will get a job as a lawyer some where yaar. He has a degree and speaks English that nobody understands.  What have you got ? Have you ever spoken to yourself in front of a mirror ?

Arre, this Montek Singh ? Don’t bother about him yaar. Uske pass tho Oxford ka degree hain. Oxford canteen mein kaam milega. He can live in 32 rupees, yaar.

Arre yaar, don’t talk about Karunanithi-ji. He doesn’t have a problem at all. He has that uncanny ability to switch sides to ensure Alagiri and Kani are deeply berthed inside the parliament. But what about the ideals of Periyar and Anna. What, did I hear you say “Who Periyar ?”  He has two options. Patch up with Modi and work work him to escape isolation and  counter Amma or ensure that the Italy coterie is back in power so that he can continue the rationalist loot unabated. Come to think of it. With Modi in Delhi and his friend in Chennai, where will he be ? Another Tamil conference ? No way. . So he will escape as usual. He patched up with your grand mother and escaped the Sarkaria Commission. Similarly he has other ways.

Rahul beta – you have another option. Seek asylum in Columbia. Father-in-law will help you to be out of the way.

Just in case you still happen to be in Delhi after Modi comes to power, don’t be scared yaar. Tihar mein Pizza Hut ka branch khula gaya hain. Sab Italian milega. Oh yes, already South Indian Saravana bhavan has a branch there. Demographics you see !

With affection,

Right Off Center