I have decided to acknowledge that I am the worst fool available on earth. No, wait a minute. Do I have competition ? I don’t think so. How could anybody be any more foolish than I am ?
Oh come on, I declare I am the worst fool and you don’t want to believe that ? How would I be able to prove that to you ?
Well , let me try. Would you believe me if I change the degrees of comparison. Okay, let me say so in the different degrees thus:
I am more foolish than any other person available on earth. Yes, this is comparative.
Positive ? Okay. No other fool on earth is even as foolish as I am. Convinced ? Not yet ?
Okay. You want me to substantiate that I am the worst fool by giving examples, right ?
Well here I am and here are my exploits in foolishness:
For the last 65 years all my Prime Ministers have been eradicating poverty from the country. They have eradicated so much poverty that we have had to borrow poverty from neighboring countries to continue to remain poor. And even after 65 years the Prime Minister has recently said that he was going to eradicate poverty. And I continue to believe that he is in the process of eradicating poverty.
How to import poverty ? Well allow illegal immigration from Bangladesh and continue to remain poor. Satisfied ?
Not yet ? Okay, You know this intellectual Rahul who is supposed to descend the throne soon ? He has declared that there is no poverty in its physical self and that poverty is just a state of the mind. So I believed him and kept saying to the pavement dweller that poverty was just the state of the mind only to get his “blessings” in the choicest epithets that he had reserved for me. And still I believe that poverty is just a state of mind. Am I not foolish ?
Why alone poverty, my Finance Ministers for the last 65 years have been improving the economy of the country. I believe that. Even my father believed that. Our belief is so strong that the value of the Indian Rupee that was equal to one dollar in 1947 has remained there. Only that the dollar has appreciated so much now . So what can the Finance Minister do ? He keeps saying that the economy is robust and that the rupee is strong. And I believe him. Come’on he is a Harvard MBA. He knows what is wrong and does that precisely in the wrong manner and explains why he did what he did in so suave a manner that any girl would fall for him. I believed him and continue to believe him. So am I not foolish enough already ?
When the terrorists from across the border target our country, I seek solace from the benign grace of the Home Minister and believe that “he is watching the situation’, ‘observing the scenario’, ‘studying the possibilities’ and ‘observing restraint’. And how much I have been believing him ? And if one Home Minister has “observed the situation too much”, he is replaced by another and he too “observes”, “watches closely”,”monitors” and goes out to make way for another. I continue to believe in each of these and would continue to believe in more of his ilk. Could there be anybody foolish than I am ?
Still not convinced about my foolishness ? Read on..
What would the President of a country do along with Chief Ministers of four big states ? If nothing administrative then what else ? They assemble in a southern city to celebrate 100 years of Tamil Cinema. So what ? All police men from all police stations have been requisitioned for security duty for this group of five people. What about people ? Security for them, is that your question ? Well , God protects the 60 million people of the state. But policemen ? They are to protect the five. From what ? Actually the police assemble in such large number and encircle the five worthies so that no harm comes to the poor people from this five. But I am foolish enough to think that these five people are working for the 60 million while they have arrived in a city to honor a handful of movie stars. Am I not the most foolish yet ?
Fine, I agree you are hard to please. Let me elaborate my foolishness further.
You know Modi, right ? The Chief Minister of the state of Gujarat in India. He has ensured that his state contributes one sixth to the GDP of the entire country. And there are more than 25 states. I think this guy, if he becomes the Prime Minister, will ensure that the GDP and therefore the standard of living of the poor people rises. And I foolishly believed that the intellectuals also would believe so. But that is not the case. So I know that no one can surpass me in my foolishness quotient.
Not convinced, come on. Then ask Kapil Sibal. He has a ‘zero loss” philosophy on anything. Assume your house is burgled in broad day light and your LED TV is stolen. Go to him and say so. He will immediately come out with “What has been lost ? Nothing at all. What was your TV then is somebody else’ now. So where is the loss ? Sigma X is always a constant, elementary my dear citizen”. And that is the ‘zero loss theory” for which he is being recommended for this year’s Nobel for Economics. And I believe him to carry me further in the path of “progress”. So, am I not stupid ? Well, I am actually being foolish, am I not ?
Not convinced yet ? Well, don’t have time now. Will write to you later.
One thought on “Foolishly yours”
Great satire! Namaste